How to stuff a watermelon into....

Today started off extremely roughly. Imagine trying to stuff a watermelon into your nostril.

No, wait. Imagine trying to stuff me, the godforsaken drain that I cannot stop complaining about, and several gauze sponges into an old sports bra with just two arms. First, I tried the "stripping the drain" because I could see blood clots and it was leaking. Gross, gross, gross. In my awkward attempts, I practically yanked the drain out by accident, which resulted in me almost fainting and throwing up simultaneously. Dizzy with pain and frustration, I howled like a wolf a few times, thus scaring the cats, who were watching the entire process quizzically. They prefer when I either nap, feed or pet them.

This hellish endeavor lasted almost 40 minutes and by the time I was done, I was angry and close to tears. And, because I'd decided to stop taking the percocet today, it hurt too.

A generous friend offered to not only take me to a healer she knew, but also to drive me to LA to see her. When she picked me up, she had an Emerald Bliss for me. It almost made me stay home! It doesn't get tastier people. Trust me. Anyway, I was not a happy girl when she picked me up or when we arrived in Hollywood for the appointment.

It went well, although I didn't have that immediate connection or resonance that you sometimes have with people. The healer told me immediately that I needed to let go of the anger and resentment in order to start healing. I'll work on it because I'm still very upset about waking up with the drain. I did feel very negative, helpless and not up for the fight when I arrived at her house. Defeat emanated from every pore.

After the session, I feel more like myself. Not quite feisty but, somehow lighter and less hopeless. The drain is still leaking and the feeling is coming back to my shoulder. Unfortunately, it is returning in electric shockwaves but, nonetheless it isn't numb.

I called twice for the pathology results today and was lectured by the nurse. No, the results won't be ready today. No,(you annoying little pest as I told you yesterday!) they probably won't be ready tomorrow. The earliest is Thursday. So, I will call again tomorrow. All the other results were ready earlier than they expected. I am praying that the cancer did not spread beyond the sentinel node and that all those nodes they removed will be clear. So, only radiation needed. That's what I'm hoping for. I cannot face the alternative.

I want the drain removed so I can start moving like myself again. So, I can consider moving around and teaching again. It seems very far away at the moment. Recalling balancing on my right arm in side plank last week seems like a distant dream.