How to get FREE monthly housecleaning!

I'm signing up for free maid service. Imagine getting free maid service once a month! Someone to take care of those pesky baseboards, toilets and shower doors. It can be yours. Yes, for free. All you need to do is qualify for the free service.

Unfortunately, the criteria is chemotherapy.

And, that is my big announcement of the day. I am going to go through chemotherapy. I've said it. I've written it. It shall come to pass. Wow. I know tons of women have survived and thrived through treatment but, there is still a feeling of how can this be my path? Really? This is going to be three-quarters of 2010.

I am not doing it for the maid service.

What changed my mind? That there could be cells that broke away from the tumor that are too small to be picked up on any scan. That those cells are waiting to multiply. And, from what I understand, if I don't go through the chemo now and wait until later, it may be too late. I get it. I don't like it but, I get it.

I had a lot of plans, dreams and goals for this year. I blogged about them on January 1st. On January 2nd, I found the lump. This year is going to be very different than I anticipated. I was looking at this year as the time to truly grow my business, increase my private clientele to a point where I was thriving financially as well as professionally. I was hoping to film for ExerciseTV in early Spring, which may not happen now depending on my new schedule.

It is frustrating. I feel like my career was blossoming. And, for now, I've got to focus on just maintaining my class schedule, not grow it. For now. It is tough. It is scary financially. I'm scared that I'll lose opportunities. I already have.

On the other hand, I've been blown away by how generous, warm and caring everyone has been. Who knows if I'd ever experience this level of support otherwise? I knew that my immediate circle would be fantastic; that is why I have them in my life. Because they are all special, amazing people. But, those who I'm getting closer to due to this illness have shown me such unconditional support. An incredible silver lining.

I must discuss my two oncology appointments. I saw my physician Friday and went in for a second opinion this afternoon. Friday was brutal. Todd and I were there for over three hours. Both doctors gave me basically the same information. There is even a computer program where they can plug in age, tumor size, grade, and spread.

Recipe: 6 Rounds of Chemo every 3 Weeks. TAC. Or, the second doctor suggested just TC. 7 weeks of Radiation. 5 Days a Week. Followed by 5 YEARS of Tamoxofin. Hormone blockers. All with lots of side effects ranging from annoying to pretty darned scary.

I'm already exhausted from all the appointments, the tests, the phone calls, the waiting, the driving. Not to mention the pain I continue to experience. And, the hunger. I've got to fast for 6 hours tomorrow for my CT Scan. And, again Friday when I have my second surgery. I'll be driving to In-N-Out soon.

It has only been 7 weeks. I've got 7 months ahead of me. Unfathomable right now. I'll take some yogic wisdom and do my best to live in the present moment. And, try to remember that cancer is just part of my life. It cannot be all of it.