Turning the corner

What a difference a day makes. I am so grateful for all the support that I have. Today, I turned the corner in my mindset with this lymphedema. It isn't resolved yet but, I decided that it will be. I am not accepting that this could take six months of daily bandaging and sleeve wearing. I will heal faster because I am strong.

Lois worked with me with the microcurrent machine to open up the lymphatic pathways near the incision that marks the inception of this latest snafu in my cancer recuperation. It is miraculous how the swelling subsides so quickly with this alternative treatment. It sure beats bandaging. Anyways, I kissed my arm in the shower and told it that it would be healed very soon. Love, love, love to my right arm.

And, enough about the arm. Way too much airtime over the last three and one-half weeks.

As I mentioned earlier, I was thrilled to go to Warner Springs and participate in Active.com's Endurance Camp. Today, I was thrilled to receive feedback from some of the students who practiced yoga with me.

"That was the absolute best yoga experience I've ever had. Period."
"In the top 3 yoga sessions I've had"
"Claire is amazing. I've been doing this for years, and THAT was amazing."

It makes me all warm and fuzzy inside to know that I can connect with people through my teaching. I love teaching yoga.

Today, things shifted for me. I've turned a corner and am certain that my strength is returning. My body thinks it is getting poisoned again on Thursday and it isn't! I can't wait to see how I start feeling each day now that my cells aren't under attack from the chemo drugs. And, hair is growing. By next week, I'm sure I'll have a luxurious mane.

I can dream big, right?

A Change of Scenery

I know there are those who say that you can't run away from your problems but, I tend to disagree. Changing location can play a huge part in altering your mood, at least for a little while. Escape. Relief. Lightness and change.

Warner Springs ActiveX Endurance Camp did it for me, at least until my arm swelled up. But, that is a later rant. About 100 active.com employees spent the weekend biking, swimming, running in preparation for the Solana Beach Triathalon. We were there so I could teach the yoga class at the end of the festivities.

We arrived to glorious sunshine yesterday. Hot, sunny blue skies. It felt fantastic. San Diego has been gray, cold and drizzly for over two weeks straight and it weighs on the psyche. We lounged at the pool, soaked up some sun and relaxed. For the first time since the lymphedema developed, I was completely happy. An enjoyable BBQ with a wonderful group of people completed a great day.

Alas, the escape was merely fleeting. I spent yesterday afternoon getting fitted for a sleeve to wear all day, every day, until the lymphedema improves. My PT didn't prescribe a gauntlet/glove for me, just the sleeve. My hand has held a great deal of swelling and from what I've read, you are supposed to have a gauntlet (fingerless) glove to control the hand swelling. What do I know as the patient, right?

I'd gotten over the mental and emotional hurdle and had resolved to wear the damn hideous, uncomfortable, orthopedic stocking-looking thing all day and bandage all night. I want my arm back.

So, yesterday morning, I went to my shift at the cat house at Petco and wore the sleeve. By the end of the two hour shift, my hand was swollen and red. Not good. I lost it. What am I supposed to do? I'm trying to comply with all of this restrictive treatment and it ISN'T WORKING. I am so frustrated that I cannot stop bursting into tears. Why did my hand swell up??? I couldn't reach anyone to answer my questions.

Then, I bandaged last night after the Warner Springs dinner and expected to wake up to a smaller arm. Nope. No visual difference. It made my morning challenging, trying to ignore it as I taught, worried it would swell more from the efforts.

Escape over.

Warner Springs Eve

TGIF! No more appointments for a few days. This week has been dominated by efforts to curb the expansion of my arm. Unfortunately, it is bigger than it was last week, which is not the result aimed for. So, I'll be wearing a sleeve all day every day and bandages all night for the foreseeable future.

On the alternative front, I'm continuing with the microcurrent treatments that yield immediate results in diminishing swelling. I'm also going to start on some herbal supplements that are supposed to aid with lymphatic system issues. And, I am working my way to true visualization and healing. This issue will be resolved and it will become a distant memory. No more flare ups. This is it. One shot evil lymphedema: that is all you get with me. Once you are gone, you are history. Period.

So there!

On a positive note, today I met with an amazing woman who works for City of Hope. She is organizing an event called Yoga for Hope to raise money for cancer research. I am going to work with her to help make it a huge success. I'm honored to be a part of this inaugural event.

What is City of Hope? It is one of only 40 National Cancer Institute-designated Comprehensive Cancer Centers nationwide and a founding member of the National Comprehensive Cancer Network. An independent biomedical research, treatment and education institution, they are a leader in the fight to conquer cancer, diabetes, HIV/AIDS and other life-threatening diseases. www.cityofhope.org.

Off to pack for Warner Springs. It is the second annual ActiveX (active.com) Warner Springs Endurance Camp. Arch Fuston organizes a weekend of triathalon preparation, complete with bringing out the experts to coach on tri transitions, swim trials, etc. I'm leading a yoga class on Sunday morning for all the athletes after they return from their run. Last year was a blast and I expect the same for this year.

How to stuff a watermelon into....

Today started off extremely roughly. Imagine trying to stuff a watermelon into your nostril.

No, wait. Imagine trying to stuff me, the godforsaken drain that I cannot stop complaining about, and several gauze sponges into an old sports bra with just two arms. First, I tried the "stripping the drain" because I could see blood clots and it was leaking. Gross, gross, gross. In my awkward attempts, I practically yanked the drain out by accident, which resulted in me almost fainting and throwing up simultaneously. Dizzy with pain and frustration, I howled like a wolf a few times, thus scaring the cats, who were watching the entire process quizzically. They prefer when I either nap, feed or pet them.

This hellish endeavor lasted almost 40 minutes and by the time I was done, I was angry and close to tears. And, because I'd decided to stop taking the percocet today, it hurt too.

A generous friend offered to not only take me to a healer she knew, but also to drive me to LA to see her. When she picked me up, she had an Emerald Bliss for me. It almost made me stay home! It doesn't get tastier people. Trust me. Anyway, I was not a happy girl when she picked me up or when we arrived in Hollywood for the appointment.

It went well, although I didn't have that immediate connection or resonance that you sometimes have with people. The healer told me immediately that I needed to let go of the anger and resentment in order to start healing. I'll work on it because I'm still very upset about waking up with the drain. I did feel very negative, helpless and not up for the fight when I arrived at her house. Defeat emanated from every pore.

After the session, I feel more like myself. Not quite feisty but, somehow lighter and less hopeless. The drain is still leaking and the feeling is coming back to my shoulder. Unfortunately, it is returning in electric shockwaves but, nonetheless it isn't numb.

I called twice for the pathology results today and was lectured by the nurse. No, the results won't be ready today. No,(you annoying little pest as I told you yesterday!) they probably won't be ready tomorrow. The earliest is Thursday. So, I will call again tomorrow. All the other results were ready earlier than they expected. I am praying that the cancer did not spread beyond the sentinel node and that all those nodes they removed will be clear. So, only radiation needed. That's what I'm hoping for. I cannot face the alternative.

I want the drain removed so I can start moving like myself again. So, I can consider moving around and teaching again. It seems very far away at the moment. Recalling balancing on my right arm in side plank last week seems like a distant dream.

ActiveX: Getting out of my comfort zone

For the last few months, I've been involved with an amazing company, Active.com. I teach yoga on-site to members of the ActiveX team. Arch Fuston leads the ActiveX team in all kinds of intense boot-camp style workouts, in addition to mentoring employees who are training for anything from a 5K to a full triathalon. The camaraderie is fantastic.

I'm not a runner, due to all kinds of old injuries and lack of cartilage in the knees but, when I was invited to join one of the ActiveX "lite" workouts on Friday morning, I figured what the heck? I was constantly encouraging them to get out of their comfort zones and see how yoga could benefit their chosen sports so, why shouldn't I get out of mine?

I must admit: I was scared. I was dreading it.

We met at La Jolla Shores at 7am and proceeded to complete a series of drills designed by Arch to challenge everyone and did he! Can you say creative? Wheelbarrows, hopping over walls, alligator crawls, running and leaping through the sand and the grand finale: 3 people dragging a 4th through the sand clinging to a large rope. I must say, I enjoyed being pulled along on the rope!

The best part: it felt like playing with your friends. Well, your crazy hyperactive friends but, play nonetheless. The worst: the sand wanted to stay with me all weekend! I left the beach feeling like if I didn't do anything else for the rest of the day, I'd accomplished something. Fun!