Ebb and flow....

Ahh, ebb and flow. Shadow and light. Good and evil. All those dichotomies. I've got to say, I'm definitely ebbing today. I guess it all a natural process, right?

Yesterday afternoon I hit the wall. Not literally, although I am a clutz and whack myself often, but this time it was just a figurative wall of concrete although it felt just as solid. The adrenaline and manic pace of the last few weeks really took its toll. I realized that when I arrived home that I hadn't just sat down and relaxed all week. Non-stop appointments, information overload, obsession with green food and stress plain and simple. Doesn't make for a steady Claire.

Relaxing last night was good. Todd and I watched the Haiti telethon and wow, did that put things in perspective. It is so difficult to get my head around the reality of the damage in that beaten down country. It is hard not to wonder why a culture, a vibrant people like the Haitians would have to endure that punishment. And, it is inspiring to see the world helping, to see the optimism in the face of such tragedy.

Anyway, back to me. It does feel rather selfish but, I started this blogging journey and will finish it. I have my surgery date of February 5th. It is outpatient; they say I should be back to yoga and Pilates the next day. I don't think they know the kind of yoga we do at Sculpt Fusion and Frogs!! But, I'll have the weekend to recover and then plow into February. I believe there is a four week reprieve prior to beginning radiation treatment for 7 weeks. 5 days a week. Ugh.

Right now, I am toast. I don't know how I'll have the energy for the next few months. I was a hot mess in the grocery store with the pressure to find the organic zucchini. Like one regular zucchini will make or break me. All I want right now is a brownie.

My highlight today was teaching the complimentary yoga class at lululemon in Carlsbad. It was my inaugural class as ambassador and it was fantastic. Several of my regular students, friends and the wonderful lulu family showed up to show support and it felt good. Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the love.

But, I need my own yoga now. I'm going to head to yoga at 4pm and I hope it will settle the angst I feel roiling beneath the surface. It is a visceral feeling in my belly at the moment: maybe I'm just starting to hit the reality of my diagnosis. Lord knows Denial has been my middle name before.

Here's to the upward trend again.....