Feeling like a "bourrique"

What is a bourrique, you ask? It is a Corsican donkey, known for its exceptional stubborness. A hard-headed beast. This was/is one of my dad's favorite nicknames for me. I wonder why. My dad came over from France when he was 25. My grand-pere is Corsican, which is why everybody thinks "Petretti" is Italian.

Quick history lesson: Corsica is a small island in the Mediterranean. Napoleon Bonaparte's home. The French and Italians fought over it for centuries and the French won. Or, so they believe. It is one of the most beautiful spots on earth and I was lucky enough to spend several summers of my childhood staying at my grand-pere's flat in Ille-Rousse, a magical coastal town.

Anyways, back to the bourrique(BOOR-EEK). I'm feeling very stubborn, resistant, annoyed and rebellious right now. I'm just tired of this already. A wise advisor told me to pace myself and that's what I need to do. I generally attack things head on, knowing very well that I am right and nobody can change my mind. I'm probably quite annoying to be around at times. Thank god my charm and wit balance it out. Ha. The last few weeks, I was determined to find all the best medical advice, holistic advice, survivor advice, diet advice, etc etc. And, now my brain is full.

When I'm teaching, I'm blessedly released from these obsessive thoughts zooming around my brain. I'm just not good being told to restrict myself. I have always loved food and eat pretty well, living by an 80/20 rule. Luckily, my weight has never varied by more than 5 or 6 pounds. So, if I eat something "bad", I always balance it out. I'm fine with adding things and I must say I am enjoying all the veggies but, I am craving a brownie and I think I must have it or go completely batty. Don't try to talk me out of it. I'll butt you with my hard donkey head.

I'm wondering how this will affect all my relationships. Everyone has been amazing. My boyfriend is handling this like a champ, even though he's been fortunate enough not to have to deal with cancer before in his immediate family and it is all new. He's been taking me to appointments, holding me when I cry, going on the vegetable adventure with me, trying new recipes, cooking for us, listening to my outbursts and watching me charge through a schedule that cannot be considered sane. I just don't want these next few months to be just about my health. Or, our diet. I don't want him to have to shoulder this entire burden. I don't want to be a burden.

My best friend Megan keeps making me cry. We've known each other since we were 14. Attended University of Virginia together, moved to California, etc. She knows me better than just about anyone. And, amazingly, still loves me. We have so many funny memories. Her support is rock solid.

A fellow yoga teacher at Sculpt Fusion Yoga also made me cry today. Her daughter, who has never met me, drew me a picture, complete with chakra colors added in and her favorite inspirational quotes. She is 13. She also made me a beautiful necklace with a butterfly and a heart. As I have been each and every day of this journey, I am humbled. Family, friends, co-workers, and strangers: so many have reached out to me and all that love and support is fantastic.