Begone ye evil toxins.....

I've had eight appointments in two weeks, not including my beauty treatments to counteract the stress. I’ve donned a staggering assortment of gowns, some open in front, some open in back, none in the least flattering. There were also a few capes, which look like a poncho but, only mid-arm length. Again, not my best look. Or, anyone's for that matter. My appointment and gown on Thursday were a little different for me: I felt the need to purge so, I got a colonic. So, obviously, this one opened in the back.

I’ve been feeling that I've been poisoned slowly over the years, that toxins have been infiltrating my body. Years of birth control pills, that last keg party at University of Virginia, did I really need that jello shot? the occasional In-n-Out burger, non-organic vegetables, Reese’s peanut butter cups, who knows? You could drive yourself insane trying to think back to what you've done to create this cancer. And, the bottom line is that I've taken darned good care of myself and it isn't my fault. I am not going to accept fault that something I've done in this life caused this cancer.

Neala, my magical facialist, had an excellent observation: perhaps the lump is years of stress: 3 sibling deaths, my mother leaving when I was 14 years old, my sister's breast cancer, 6 figure law school loans, divorce, drama, 5 career changes(okay 10), car accident and resultant neck surgery....the list goes on. My life has been so wonderful the last few years with a great relationship and finding my true path career-wise, I thought I was onto the easy half of my life. And, I will be soon. But, I digress.

Back to the colonic. I promise not to go into great detail. I've never been drawn to have a colonic or cleanse from that direction but, the feeling of toxicity I've had is giving me an almost manic urge to purge. All the veggies I've consumed the last few weeks have helped.

I can't rip out the lump quite yet but, I sure can do this. I was scared but, Lacey at Living Waters in Carlsbad was amazing and I felt safe. Her knowledge of the digestive system was astounding and it made perfect sense. While I did not love the procedure, I love how I felt afterwards. Sort of like going in for a tune-up.

And, I think that while I go through radiation treatment, I'd like to come weekly and feel like my liver and gall bladder and everything else inside me is shedding the poison as fast as I am filled with it. Whether it is actually achieving that result or not, I feel like it is and that is half the battle, right? And, silver lining: my stomach feels really flat. Is it bad to enjoy that?

The weeks flurry of tests and appointments culminated in Todd surprising me with a fantastic dinner at Arterra in Del Mar. Romantic and yummy. And, yes, I ordered a salad to start and sea bass with more veggies. Again, feeling virtuous.

Today should be the day that we set the surgery date. I will feel more in control knowing that the plan is in motion.