So, it is called a Partial Mastectomy, not a lumpectomy. I've been corrected now by the surgeon, the Nurse Practitioner, the receptionist, and some random person that I'm not even sure works at the hospital. Apparently, lumpectomy is not a proper term. It sure sounds better to me. The "M" word is scary.
I was terrified to go in today. Whereas part of me felt sure that I'd found this early, the other part of me couldn't help but feel like this has all been so unfair and crappy that she'd tell me they had to lop off my boob. It must've shown in my face because I've been offered Xanax more than once.
To make it worse, my appointment was at 2:45 and they called at 2:30 to say the surgeon was running an hour late. Seriously??? Excruciatingly slow passing of time. The appointment ended up being almost 2 hours late and I had to cancel my 5pm Pilates clients and barely made it to the 6pm class. Driving through hail to get there. Yes, golf ball sized hail in San Diego.
I am happy to report that Dr. Kurtzahls not only recommended the lumpectomy and radiation, but also said that she thought we'd have good results. Todd and I got to see the results of the BSGI and MRI on her computer screen and there it was: the alien that somehow landed inside me. There is a little satellite alien, about 2mm big right nearby. The satellite is also being extricated. The tests didn't show anything else negative, including the lymph nodes. The lump is larger than originally diagnosed: 2.5cm. When I've said I try to live life on a grand scale, that isn't exactly what I had in mind.
It looks like surgery will be in the next two weeks or so. Next week, Todd and I get to escape to Mammoth, courtesy of my lovely friend Spicer. I need a change of scenery. Badly. And, I'd like to feel like a have a smidgen of control, at least in choosing the surgery date!
I got to finish my evening off with lovely, dear friends, without whom I wouldn't be able to keep up my energy and attitude. Yes, I had a glass of wine. I don't think it will kill me.
p.s. this photo is of me sneering at the breast cancer!! (and my dear friend Nikke)
Hey C - Thanks for the update. That's great that Dr. Kurtzahis predicts good results, and that the tests didn't show anything else negative.
ReplyDeleteI'm amazed at your spirit and maturity - I'm proud to call you my sister!
Love, Rob
Ok, all I can say is that I love you! Your presence, strength, determination and authenticity is beautiful. I appreciate you in more ways than you know. My heart, thoughts and prayers are with you now and always!
ReplyDeleteLove your student and friend,
Linda Sorkin