Ebb and flow....

Ahh, ebb and flow. Shadow and light. Good and evil. All those dichotomies. I've got to say, I'm definitely ebbing today. I guess it all a natural process, right?

Yesterday afternoon I hit the wall. Not literally, although I am a clutz and whack myself often, but this time it was just a figurative wall of concrete although it felt just as solid. The adrenaline and manic pace of the last few weeks really took its toll. I realized that when I arrived home that I hadn't just sat down and relaxed all week. Non-stop appointments, information overload, obsession with green food and stress plain and simple. Doesn't make for a steady Claire.

Relaxing last night was good. Todd and I watched the Haiti telethon and wow, did that put things in perspective. It is so difficult to get my head around the reality of the damage in that beaten down country. It is hard not to wonder why a culture, a vibrant people like the Haitians would have to endure that punishment. And, it is inspiring to see the world helping, to see the optimism in the face of such tragedy.

Anyway, back to me. It does feel rather selfish but, I started this blogging journey and will finish it. I have my surgery date of February 5th. It is outpatient; they say I should be back to yoga and Pilates the next day. I don't think they know the kind of yoga we do at Sculpt Fusion and Frogs!! But, I'll have the weekend to recover and then plow into February. I believe there is a four week reprieve prior to beginning radiation treatment for 7 weeks. 5 days a week. Ugh.

Right now, I am toast. I don't know how I'll have the energy for the next few months. I was a hot mess in the grocery store with the pressure to find the organic zucchini. Like one regular zucchini will make or break me. All I want right now is a brownie.

My highlight today was teaching the complimentary yoga class at lululemon in Carlsbad. It was my inaugural class as ambassador and it was fantastic. Several of my regular students, friends and the wonderful lulu family showed up to show support and it felt good. Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the love.

But, I need my own yoga now. I'm going to head to yoga at 4pm and I hope it will settle the angst I feel roiling beneath the surface. It is a visceral feeling in my belly at the moment: maybe I'm just starting to hit the reality of my diagnosis. Lord knows Denial has been my middle name before.

Here's to the upward trend again.....

Later that same day.....the power of yoga

To everyone who has reached out to me: wow. I am humbled and grateful. Keep it coming!!

It is amazing what both Pilates and Yoga do for me. I know I preach it to all my students, all the time but, it is true. I spent an hour at the Pilates studio and just tuning in simply to breath and movement helped clear my mind a lot. And, relax my pounding heart. An hour of yoga with Todd (yes, Todd!!) was awesome. I've never actually held hands with anyone in Savasana. I highly recommend it.

I'm scared. But, I feel stronger and I know I will handle this. When I figure out just why I have to handle another tough challenge....I will let you know. All this experience with death and disease has to come to some good, right?

Next week is the photo shoot for my lululemon ambassador photo. I'm really excited, not to just have my big head up on the wall at the store but, to have a positive focus this week. I'm shifting that focus to eating super healthy and clean not to fight the cancer but, to feel strong and powerful for my photo. I'm stepping up my yoga and Pilates even more for every reason.

It may seem shallow or silly to some but, memorializing myself looking powerful, beautiful(hair and makeup willing), and strong as a yogi in the setting by the magical ocean I love so much, feels very symbolic. I'm lucky to have this happening now. To all the lululemon family: thanks so much for your blessings and support. To all the lovely people in my life: thanks for this support I couldn't have imagined.

Welcome Twenty-Ten

It has been a while since I've written here and I need to reverse that trend, starting now! Those who know me know that I usually never have a lapse of commentary or just talking in general. And, I love to write. I'm not quite sure what has held me back writing every few days on my blog. Perhaps I felt that I had to have a "message" each time I wrote and that was a little too much pressure.

2009 was quite a year. I sat down and wrote out a monthly list of all the changes, accomplishments and cool events. Whew!! I love to have lots going on but, even for me, it was non-stop. I quit my corporate job forever on January 16, 2009! Thanks to all who celebrated that event with me. It has been a wild ride, with my focus shifting 100% to wellness.

I began working with www.active.com and their amazing group of ActiveX employees who motivate me with their dedication to fitness. I love teaching yoga there! Another goal was to start publishing articles on fitness and wellness and I'm happy to report that I published 6 articles on www.active.com about Yoga for Athletes. I'm looking forward to writing more articles and parlaying the experience to the national magazine level.

I moved in with my boyfriend in May and this was a huge deal for me. I've lived alone for a long time and I had to learn how to share my space all over again. Life is good.....his love and support give me strength and happiness.

Pilates has become a bigger part of my wellness career and I love it. Fusing yoga and pilates in a unique way is part of my long-term plan.

On a health note, this was Year One after my neck disc-replacement surgery. For the most part, I've felt fantastic but, I overdid it a few times and suffered from setbacks. I'm trying hard to follow my advice to others about taking it slow. It has been quite a learning experience trying to be patient with my limitations. I will be healthy and regain strength in 2010!

Another long term goal that I achieved was to be selected as a Lululemon Ambassador for the Carlsbad Lululemon. I'm so excited to be able to work more closely with them to spread the message of wellness in our community.

2010 is going to be filled harvesting all the plants sown in 2009. I am so excited to live each day to the fullest and really begin reaching a broader audience.

Thank you to all of my family and friends who made 2009 a beautiful year. I am grateful and humbled by the love and support.