Warning: I'm having a self-pity type of week. As I promised myself I'd keep it real in documenting my journey, I'm not holding back. I know I'll emerge on the other side of this but, for now, I am plowing through a present that is very challenging. I know that this lymphedema will resolve itself and won't be such a big deal soon. Very soon. For the present moment, however, it is not resolved.
Yesterday my arm swelled up as I was teaching class in the heated room. I felt helpless as I watched it grow over the 75 minute class. It was disappointing, to put it mildly.
How to analogize: I'd say it is like when you feel the initial tingling of a cold sore sprouting up at an inopportune time in a very obvious spot. The horror hits you as you know if you don't catch it in time, it will explode right on the center of your lip, most likely right before you have a big date or photo session. And, you know that it will last for a few weeks before it decides to make its exit. Or, if you haven't had a cold sore, dredge up that buried high school moment when a giant pimple the size of a rasberry sprouted on the tip of your nose before prom.
So, control issues are rearing their ugly head. When will this be under control? Why another physical issue that forces me to curtail my regular activities? Why so much restriction? Why am I in the 25% to develop this condition? I don't mean to be a big fat baby but, this is making me feel sorry for myself. Period. I'd hoped to be focused on regaining my strength and building back up to feeling "normal" again.
Okay, the positive: my new lymphedema therapist is excellent and has some great suggestions and I am praying that they work. Fast. Sleeping with my arm in three layers of bandages and one layer of thick cotton isn't comfortable. In fact, I haven't had a good night's sleep in four nights. Finally, I ripped them off at 3am last night.
Okay, manifestation time: I will sleep eight blissful hours tonight and when I wake up in the morning and remove my bandages, my hand will look normal. After I meet with the PT tomorrow, we will have this resolved. For the foreseeable future.
You're beautiful Claire. Thank you for sharing...You're such a talented writer. I'm praying for you, and you have every right to have "self-pity" types of weeks. You will be feeling great again soon...in the meantime let me know if you'd like company. ~Big hugs, Tamar
ReplyDelete