Cat naps

Quiet times. Me and the kitties. Sleeping, napping, lying about or eating. Oreo and Jake are quite pleased that I've seen the light and am sharing their usual schedule, without pesky interruptions like leaving the house or interacting with other humans. Oreo seems to be slowing down and just wants to be curled up close to me. So, I guess there is a silver lining in being housebound.

I'm shocked at how exhausted I am. I've been drinking my fresh vegetable juice and popping all types of antioxidants and herbs in the desperate hope that they'll infuse my limbs with some vitality. Or, at least I won't get winded dragging myself from the couch to the bed! I am ready to have my legs back!

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow is a big day! I have two major appointments.

At 8:30, I see a new lymphedema specialist. Knowing that I have a new therapist, who will hopefully be nice to me, despite ironing my arm in the compression machine and wrapping me up like a mummy, is encouraging. I hope to get some answers: such as when my arm will be back to normal, when I can do Down Dog and whether I'll have to wear a sleeve when I do it, how to prevent another flare-up and all that good stuff.

The big event, and trust me, as only someone who has been cooped up in the house for seven nights can say, this is epic: I have an 11am date to see Eclipse with Kirsten. Go Team Edward. Eclipse was my favorite book so, I can't wait to see it play out on the big screen. Anticipation.....I wonder if I'll be able to sleep tonight?

And, you think I'm joking.

Therapist from Hell

Well, this final recovery from chemotherapy isn’t quite what I had envisioned. I was fully prepared to have wobbly legs like a colt, to need lots of rest, to take all my meds and herbs, to rinse my mouth out with warm salt water, and all the other tricks I've accumulated along the way. Little did I know that I’d be trapped in the house like I was with the godforsaken surgery drain. This time, however, I am bandaged up like a mummy, knowing that the bandages will play an as yet undetermined part in my future.

Part of the nightmare of this last week is embodied in the lymphedema specialist. You know when you meet someone for the first time and yet you recognize them? You click? As if you've known each other before? Well, with M, it was the opposite. Her gaze sent a chill down my spine. She is not here to help or heal, in fact, her words and actions have had the opposite effect.

Today was the last day of her negative influence. I know this may be surprising but, I am a wimp with personal confrontation. Nonetheless, I put on my big girl panties this afternoon and called to tell the office that I wasn’t comfortable working with her and wanted another therapist. They instantly obliged me, no questions asked.

So, what was the problem with this person who made me cry in the office not once but, twice?

Here are some of her words, delivered during treatment to me over the last week:

“You have a lot of anger issues over your breast cancer and you just need to get over it,”

“Stop being so dramatic,” (when I saw my arm after the pump was removed)

“This is a permanent condition and you just need to deal with it,”

“Just get used to wrapping yourself in bandages, maybe daily for the rest of your life.”

Mind you, this woman doesn’t know me. At all. Knows nothing about me, my attitudes, my strengths, my weaknesses. Except that I just finished Round 6 of chemo and have developed lymphedema.

Besides her remarks, her other behavior has been inappropriate and wrong. Last week, she showed me how to do lymphatic self-massage. This is when it got weird: we are in a small room, with the curtain drawn. First, she pulls her sleeve down to rub her collarbone and shoulder. Okay.

The next thing you know, she whips off her shirt and is standing there in her bra and pants, massaging her chest and arm. I was extremely uncomfortable. Why did she feel the need to doff her shirt? Then, she grabs a roll around her waist and says how now that she is 58 she has love handles. WHAT???

So, why was I afraid to call the physical therapy department and request a different therapist? Isn’t that interesting? Do I care if I hurt this woman’s feelings? No, not at all. Is it more about being uncomfortable if I see her in the department and she knows I requested not to work with her anymore? Maybe. I find it interesting that they made the switch with No questions asked. I am excited to have a new therapist.

So, my world has been small and unpleasant this week. I am processing, going through it and am hoping this will be just another speed bump in my rear view mirror.
That the pump/bandage 24/7 therapy will be over soon. That I can focus on healing my whole body, heart and mind. That next week is new, fresh and I feel strong again.

Rough skies

Not up for writing but, this photo captured the stormy skies chez moi.

Let's just say that while I am happy that the chemo phase is over, this is the darkest and most challenging recuperation phase thus far. Right now, not really seeing an end in sight. I know it is there but, just out of reach. Maybe when I wake up tomorrow.....

Chemo Graduation Complete!

Everyone at Scripps loved my Chemo Graduation T-shirt! It was absolutely perfect, thank you again Anaise! Thanks to Meredith, Anne and Rachel for sharing some of the afternoon with me. The last afternoon ever in the Chemo Lounge for me.

It hasn't really hit me yet that I am done with the worst part of treatment. It is fini. Behind me. Never have to go again. Now my hair can start growing back. As I lost 5 more eyebrow hairs yesterday, that is a good thing. I'm starting to look like the lady who worked at Fairfax Hospital cafeteria with fully drawn-on brows!

Now, it is time to move forward!! To focus on building new strength, stamina, and getting my arm under control. Coach U starts next week so I can begin the journey of rounding out my career and add Life Coach to my resume. Officially, that is! I'm looking forward to getting back to a regular teaching schedule, to planning the Lululemon Yoga for Cancer Recovery collaboration we've set up for August.

And, most importantly, to have this cancer fade into the background. Never forgotten but, no longer the star of the show. I've got too much to live for, too much to do, too many people to love. And, for now, the Sandman is calling me for a nap.

As the arm shrinks....

Chemo Eve. I'm shifting my focus to celebratory: chemotherapy is almost over forever! This time, I know I'll have my downtime but, it is finite. Thereafter, I will continue to get strong, rebuild my muscles and bones and grow some hair on this egg-like head of mine.

Thank you everyone for the offers of fat harvesting: at this rate I could build boobs the size of Dolly Parton. I only need about a golf-ball amount so, perhaps everyone could write an essay on why they have the richest, plumpest fat and why their fat would make the best boob filler. Feel free to do so in the Comments session. Apparently, belly fat works very well. I don't know how I'd feel about having someone's butt fat on my chest. Keep that in mind.

Thank you for making me laugh.

After sleeping, or shall I say attempting to sleep, with the Michelin Man arm, I gingerly unwrapped all of the bandages. Nervous, eager and hesistant to look at my arm, I nonetheless glanced down. Was this how Michael Jackson felt each and every time he got a new nose job?

I'm happy to report that the swelling has definitely subsided a lot. I can see my wrist again and the wrinkles on the inside of my elbows. The upper arm surrounding my elbow is still puffy but, not quite as puffy. You can see some bone at the tip. Hurray!! I will continue with the exercises and wrapping my arm before bed and pray that the remaining bloat will disappear. The therapist said we'll work on it for a few weeks and generally reach optimal size by then so, fingers crossed. I'm now feeling optimistic that I can shrink this to almost normal.

Then, it will all be about prevention. I'll worry about that later. I will regain my strength. I will not have to wear a sleeve every day. Down the line, if I perceive slight swelling, I will wrap it up with a smile and it will be gone by morning. Nothing more.

I have an awesome "Chemo Graduation Day" T-shirt to wear tomorrow, courtesy of Anaise--thank you very much! It is perfect. Depending upon how I feel after chemo, I'm craving Wine Steals pizza. Celebration!!

Pump & Bandage Special

This is a Lymphedema pump, that squeezed my arm for about 30 or 40 minutes to try to drain the lymphatic fluid out of the areas where it is pooling. When this sleeve was removed, it looked like a chef had been pumping my arm in twenty little waffle irons. I'm now wrapped up with three ace bandages, reminiscent of the Michelin Man. I have to keep the bandages on overnight and pray, pray, pray that the swelling subsides.

After spending three, yes three, hours with the Lymphedema Specialist, I have "mild" lymphedema. It is a permanent, chronic condition that if goes untreated, can result in a big, fat, hard sausage-arm. Now, the goal is to bring the swelling down over the next few weeks with three times per week sessions of lymphatic massage and the giant waffle iron sleeve. If it fails to reduce in the next few weeks, it will permanently be bigger than the other arm.

What does this mean? The good news is I don't have to wear a compression sleeve daily. Huge relief.I'll have to monitor every single workout, what weight I pick up: from a grocery bag to my cat,as well as "vigorous activity"....whatever the heck that means.

If I start to see swelling, I can wrap my arm overnight with the ace bandages. Which, by the way, is incredibly uncomfortable. I will have to wrap the arm every time I fly. Forever. That doesn't seem like such a huge deal compared to the day to day vigilance. Pilot lessons may be out, however.

So, time will tell what will affect this. I'm convinced that the swelling must come down because I refuse to have a fat elbow and forearm forever. Time will tell what will exacerbate this. I'm going to do my stretches and slowly build the strength up in this arm and just pray that the wrapping will be rare occasions. I WILL get my pre-cancer arm and body back.

On that note, I also had my recommended consultation with the head of plastic surgery at Scripps to discuss options if I want corrective surgery after radiation. There are some options but, the best news all day (sadly)is that although fat transfer is very popular these days, I'm too lean to harvest any fat from. After all the bread, cheese and pain au chocolat from Napa, that is indeed good news.

Trying to regroup

Trying to regroup from a scary incident that marred an absolutely magical trip to Napa.

My arm continued to swell in Napa, to the point that by Saturday morning, my right wrist bone had disappeared and my forearm rivaled Popeye’s. Only a very small percentage of those who have breast cancer surgeries will develop lymphedema. It looks like I may qualify for this group.

What is it?

Well, the surgeon removes several lymph nodes to see if the cancer has spread, thus compromising your lymphatic system. Forever. For some, there are no long-term repercussions. For others, fluid pools in places such as your breast, arm, hand and fingers. It is “incurable, painful and sometimes leads to complications.” Flying can trigger it.

Yesterday morning, I was freaking out and called the doctor to see if there were any preventative measures prior to boarding the plane to return home. The on-call oncologist told me not to get on the plane and to go to a local emergency room for an ultrasound, as there was danger I could have a blood clot. Huh? Not exactly news I wanted to hear. I wanted to come home. He emphatically stated that he did not recommend that I do that but, if I did to go straight to Urgent Care from the airport. Do not pass go. Do not collect $100.

It was not the most comforting of phone calls. The entire flight home was dominated by thoughts of having an aneurysm on the plane. Comas, brain damage, heart damage, death: you name it. Nobody mentioned the threat of blood clots from lymphedema.

The Lymphedema Association says you can NEVER do a lot of things like: get blood pressure taken on that arm, have blood drawn, get cut or scratched, get a bug bite : love this one, what do I do here? “Excuse me Mr. Bee, can you please sting my left arm instead?”, NEVER lift more than 15 pounds, avoid alcohol, don’t go in a sauna or hot tub, etc, etc.

The most troubling aspect is the potential of having to wear an extremely uncomfortable sleeve each and every time I exercise and fly or if it worsens, all the time. And, the lymphedema specialist I met back in March told me that wearing the sleeve during flying may or may not help. Nobody seems to have any true statistics.

Well, I wore the custom-fitted sleeve for most of the flight to Utah in May. It was painfully uncomfortable, not to mention hideously ugly. Imagine orthopedic hose from knuckle to shoulder. Not exactly what I’d like to wear as I teach yoga or workout myself. It would be one thing if I lived in Alaska and was always in long sleeves! How is that going to work for me as a yoga teacher in sunny San Diego?

The doctor yesterday also told me that until the swelling is completely gone that I couldn’t teach, much less practice, in the heat where I teach about half of my classes. So, there is a real impact on my career here.

I was really feeling optimistic and positive. My last chemo is this week. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Many of the side-effects I’ve endured will disappear by next month. Imagine: hair! energy! regular workouts! fiber!

Now, I feel angry, upset, devastated at how this could impact me long-term. I’m sure I’ll reach a place where I’m able to feel positive and overcome it. But, I’m not there yet.

Napa!

Reynolds Winery. Burt Reynolds the charming orange cat who loved me. Fantastic!

Glorious weather, unbelievable scenery, perfect company.

Next stop, a winding drive up Spring Mountain to Pride Winery. We didn't have an appointment but, I guess we looked trustworthy so they let us in! It wasn't just tasting, our guide Russ took us through the caves and we even had a barrell tasting. He allowed me to hold the "thief" that removes the 2008 Cabernet straight out of the barrel. It was delicious. Russ also gave us a glass of Chardonnay to take up to the picnic tables that came complete with a panaroramic view off of Spring Mountain. We had four different types of cheeses from the Cheese Board in Berkeley and fresh baguettes. Who needs anything else?

Two more wineries. Feeling warm and happy.

Lymphedema and a swollen right arm but, I'm praying that goes away. It is a little better today but, very distressing.

We met another kitty on the street last night and got her a can of food. Someone had shaved half her body, she was painfully thin and beaten up. But, she was a sweetheart, purred when I petted her and was appreciative for an easy dinner. If we were in San Diego, I'd have brought her home. I'm praying someone else will.

Okay, time to transform into a glamorous blonde wine taster!! Darioush, here we come!!

Napa Eve

Here I am, eve-ing it up again. But, I am excited to leave for Napa first thing in the morning! I'm packed and ready to go. Todd is already up in San Francisco so it feels like I'm flying off to meet my lover in an exotic locale. Sunshine, a room amongst the vines, wine, delicious food and Todd: I cannot wait! Will it be Dominique or Sheila stepping off that plane?

Today was fantastic. One of the best days I've had in a while. I taught two pilates class and the new Yoga for Healthy Backs class at Bindu Yoga. I had a leisurely lunch with my dear friend Zoe at one of my favorite restaurants, St. Tropez. We've both been so busy that actually having the time to just eat lunch and catch up felt very decadent. She's one of those people that you simply feel good being around.

I also met with Lisa from Lululemon to discuss the upcoming events we are going to offer at Lululemon in August. We are partnering to offer complimentary yoga for cancer recovery, taught by yours truly. I'm so excited at the opportunity to be able to be a resource for others living with cancer. It is going to be fantastic! More details to follow....

On days like today, I don’t feel like I have cancer at all. Well, except for a few choice moments wrestling with the wigs but, that is another story. I taught, I went to meetings, I got in a workout on the Reformer, I went to lunch, I packed for a really romantic trip: in other words I was fully engaged in my life and my day. Sometimes, throughout this whole ride, I’ve felt half-alive and numb. It was a gift to feel like Full-blown CLAIRE today.

This photo is from last summer's trip up to Central California. Wolff Winery

Getting emotional

Love this photo from Palm Springs pre-chemo! Makes me happy looking at it.

This week is going well thus far. I'm very excited to be heading to Napa the day after tomorrow! Nothing like getting out of town for a few days, especially somewhere as beautiful as Napa Valley. We get to stay in the middle of a vineyard! Talk about heaven.

So, for some reason I am crying often these days.

This morning, I cried when I made my appointment with the Radiation Oncologist. Mid-July is full of doctor's appointments again. It may sound strange but, having chemo every three weeks was kind of nice hiatus compared to the testing phase prior to it. At that point, Todd wanted to buy a frequent flier parking pass because we were at Scripps so often. As did all my friends who accompanied me to various probings.

I go in for a CT-Scan of my abdomen on July 15th to see if the liver spot has changed. All this chemo poison should've knocked it out if it were anything other than a cyst or birthmark. I am staying positive on the liver spot! If it is bad news, Todd and I are hitting France and Italy before Australia! Travel time....

The next day, I go in to see my Radiation Oncologist for a tattooing on the spot where they will direct the radiation beam. Every single day, 5 days a week, for seven weeks. Yes, my poor right boob. Darn! I've never wanted a tattoo, never wanted a permanent mark on my body and now I've got no choice. Scars and tattoos are unwelcome, uninvited reminders of the big C.

And, more daily crying for Oreo and his cancer. I can really see him slowing down. The vet did tell me that with his type of cancer, it is usually a matter of months. I hope he holds on! His last steroid shot didn't seem to have the same effect as the first two. At night, he has developed an unfortunate pattern of howling at the top of his lungs, and yes it is a howl not a meow, and jumping up onto the bed. He purrs for 5 minutes, settles in just long enough for me to return to sleep, and then hops off. Repeat. Several times. Not good for Todd and I's REM sleep, let me tell you.

For some reason, he can sleep uninterrupted for several hours during the day. He slept right through the earthquake last night. Hmmmm....funny how that works. Maybe I should wake him up repeatedly all day? That would show him! Seriously though, he looks like a little old man these days. I've had him for nine years so, it is a challenging process to begin letting him go. Hopefully not anytime soon.

Okay, time to go teach yoga. That blessed relief from thinking about me, me, me and giving to others. I don't know if I'd be doing as well as I've been if it weren't for having the gift of teaching.

And up we go!

What a difference a day makes. I awoke feeling much better than I have since before the last round. How refreshing! I must confess that I slept until 10am. Perhaps sleeping for almost twelve hours healed me.

San Diego has been dominated by June Gloom for the last few weeks so, I was overjoyed that the sun decided to make an appearance today. Sunshine and legs that didn't feel like cement blocks! To celebrate, we went for a walk at the lagoon. Such a beautiful, tranquil environment, graced with sun-dappled trees, graceful egrets and other birds. It felt great to be outside, to be active, to not feel tied to the couch.

Gratitude has played a huge part in this journey. Gratitude for the love and support that I have received. Gratitude that I've tolerated the treatment well, for the most part. I've saved every single card, email and note that I've received since this all began in January. Today, I spent some time re-reading some of them.

I feel so blessed for the kind words, the well-wishes, the prayers, the sentiment. It is so uplifting to revisit all of them. It gives me renewed energy and faith to make it through the next weeks of chemo and the seven weeks of radiation.

My plans for providing Yoga for Cancer Recovery are really starting to fall into place. This week I should have a schedule for the month-long free series of classes that I will be able to offer at Lululemon for patients and survivors of all types of cancer. We want put together all kinds of resources. Exciting!

Three days until Napa!

Rollercoaster hitting the valley

Feeling wobbly, just like I did in this photo balancing on one foot in the freezing iceplant. Thank goodness for Laura saving me from a tumble off of the cliff.

Sadly, my rollercoaster seems to be hovering at the bottom of the dip. Head on up, up, up! My energy levels are so low that I felt totally woozy and almost fell over at the cat house at Petco this morning. It started yesterday afternoon and just won't abate. I believe this is the time after chemotherapy when the white and red blood cell counts hit their lowest.

How does this make me feel? Two options for you: mild flu when you ache all over, your stomach is jumpy and you just want grilled cheese and chicken and rice soup. Or, you went out last night and thought it was a good idea to have the third apple martini, or margarita or....insert dangerous cocktail here. Either option yields the same results: must stay horizontal. Very disappointing! The unpredictability of how I am going to feel each day really bothers me.

Okay, the bright side: this will be the last dip I'll have knowing that I'll get knocked down again after my final chemo on June 24th. Thereafter, I will climb up and know that I don't have to go through this ever again. Ever again. If by some terrible chance I did have a recurrence, I would not do chemo again. This I know for sure.

So, I will lay around like a lump all weekend. Todd and I are going to Napa on Thursday and I need to feel fabulous! A romantic few days, staying at a winery in a beautiful loft converted from a barn, surrounded by vines. Motivation to rest now.

Ambassador Challenge!

Rollercoaster...whoo hoo hoo hoo.

Rode the Cinnamon Bun ice cream high until 1pm today.

I woke up and meditated, with the assistance of Jake and Oreo. It wasn't pretty. My mind was flying all over the place but, I persevered, observed the million thoughts per minute, and when I opened my eyes, 20 minutes had elapsed. Success. Practice and persistence. Perhaps first thing in the morning isn't the best time for me because I wake up raring to get started and that makes clearing the mind a little tough. I'll experiment tomorrow.

Drumroll....big news: I am officially registered with CoachU, the leading global provider of coach training programs! I'm enrolled and ready to start in July. I love school. I am so excited!

The program is provided via teleclasses and one of my initial classes is at 6am on Thursday mornings. For some reason, Todd finds this amusing. I taught a 5:30am yoga class for three years. 5:30 AM! I used to do Outside Sales in an "East Coast" company that didn't care about people on the "West Coast" and routinely scheduled mind-numbing conference calls at 5 and 6am. So, there is no reason why I cannot roll from bed to desk, armed with major caffeine and sit on the phone and computer at 6am. As long as Skype isn't involved, I'm safe in my Hello Kitty pajamas.

My energy took a dramatic dip this afternoon. The cats are so happy that I've seen the light about numerous daily naps. It is so weird how I can feel fine one moment and the next I absolutely must lay down. Boom, no warning. It is part of what makes me nervous about going to yoga or other classes: that I'll just zonk out in the middle. Like the Energizer Bunny. Only two weeks to my final chemo so, I expect my energy to return in July.

Just in time for Lululemon Ambassador Month! We had our first official Ambassador meeting this evening and I was thrilled to meet some of the other Ambassadors for the first time. What a line-up! From Tim Miller of the Ashtanga Yoga Center, to Shannon of Pure Barre La Costa, to Gina the Soccer Coach/Runner/PhD candidate, to Robert "Mr. Kettlebell", to Dejinira the amazing Personal Trainer and Zumba Master, it is quite a group. Add Dre, Natalie and Laura from Lulu and it was an inspiring evening. I am honored to be part of this group.

Lots of brainstorming occurred and we agreed that it was a fabulous idea for the Ambassadors and the Lululemon Carlsbad community to have a July challenge where we all get out of our comfort zones and run around taking everybody else's classes and workouts. It will be so much fun to be part of this challenge and I am sure highly entertaining to see the yogis do kettlebells and the runners get on a little zumba and and and....the possibilities are endless. I can't wait.

But, for tonight, my energy has once again elapsed.

Night night.

Meditation, Music and Ben & Jerry

So many different experiences can alter one's mood, don't you think? All in unique ways. I am a different person tonight from this morning thanks to meditation, music and B&J.

This morning, I woke up with my usual Day-6-Post-Chemo-Irritable-Witch-From-Hell hat securely in place. Just like a newborn comes screaming out into the world, I opened my eyes howling and red-faced. Well, maybe not red-faced but, it sounds good.

Cooped up too many days. Unable to work out in any way that really feels like working out. Feeling the muscle atrophy slowly permeate from head to toe. Unable to really focus my brain in a satisfying manner for more than 10 minutes.

Recognizing my condition, I chose to set it right. I screamed a few times, much to Jake and Oreo's horror. They prefer me quiet and cuddly. I then spouted off in my Twilight journal. Almost done with it and can start on the New Moon journal. Working through the tin collection.

I pulled myself together and went to teach Pilates, which always cheers me up. I love my 8:30am crew: such positive energy and simply fun. Afterwards, I did a mild reformer workout for myself to get the energy flowing.

Prior to class, I'd sent out an S.O.S. to my friend Stephanie's husband, Mike, who is a healer and teacher of meditation. Meditation Emergency!
I needed a house call, pronto.

I may have mentioned a few hundred times that I have trouble meditating unless I physically exhaust myself first. Vinyasa yoga is meditation for me. Without the asana practice, however, I cannot calm the overactive brain. Since my practice is virtually non-existent due to the chemo and my right arm not being quite right yet, I haven't meditated. And, I need it. A lot. My goal is to meditate daily, without any need for yoga or any other physical exertion. A lofty aim for me. Enter Mike!

Mike, like all gifted teachers, reminded me that I already know how to meditate. I didn't have to practice yoga first. I just had to sit down, close my eyes and DO IT. Random thoughts popped up, anything from not having time to see the Great Barrier Reef to a craving for mashed potatoes to wondering if I should move my foot because it had fallen dead asleep. He guided me through what I assumed was about 15 minutes and it was actually 35 minutes! Calmed, centered and ready for a nap. I have a plan for tomorrow morning's solo meditation. Thank you Mike!

Later the same day, on my way to teach my lovely 6pm Pilates crew, I hit the radio bonanza. I actually sang to Incubus and Rage Against the Machine all the way to Frogs and had to sit in my car to listen to Chris Cornell's, Like a Stone. A little Pearl Jam "Black" and Stone Temple Pilots completed my fabulous set. Thank you 91x. I've got the musical taste of a teenage boy (teenage boy in the 90s) and hearing some of my favorites, all in a row, just lifted me up. Music is such a transporter and healer for me. Different than the meditation but, just as effective to shift my mood.

And, finally, the pint of Ben & Jerrys Cinnamon Buns ice cream sent me over the edge. Can you say sugar high? One issue from the chemotherapy is that often nothing tastes cold enough. Even putting ice in water fails to make it more than lukewarm to me. Thus, I've been craving ice cream and I'm not an ice cream person. I like my sweets to be baked. Cookies, cake, cupcakes, brownies: that's my MO. Cancer-Claire prefers ice cream and frozen yogurt. The ice cream feels just cool enough. So cool in fact that I looked down and I'd polished off the pint. I guess all that singing made my throat extra dry.

Tonight, I feel great. Choosing to take action and ask for help with the meditation was all I needed to start me in the right direction. Tomorrow, I will wake up with a smile.

Round 5 Much better than Round 4!

Thus far, Round 5 greatly exceeds Round 4.

No huge swollen Uncle Fester Head.

No extreme muscle pain.

No useless, exhausted limbs.

Actually, today was quite productive. I'm always a happy girl when I feel that I can check items off of my to-do list. Confirmed that my accountant filed my taxes, yes, they were late but, hey, I figured I had a good excuse for an extension. Good news is that I actually got a refund. Direct to the Great Barrier Reef fund.

The highlight of my day was a complimentary facial. Free Facial. Free Facial. Free Facial. How wonderful is that? Facelogic in Encinitas offers free facials for cancer patients every other month. They donate their time and talent to give others going through challenging times some much-needed pampering. From the moment I walked into the soothing environment, I felt special. After my appointment with Mareli, my skin felt like buttah! www.facelogicspa.com/encinitas.

Upon arriving home, the lovely Bonnie dropped off a tasty dinner of sweet potatoes and salmon. The sweet potatoes were so yummy that I stuffed myself beyond the brim. Will I ever learn to stop eating when I am full? Too good to resist!

I plan on taking it easy this week in order to fully recuperate so that I go into Round 6 as strong as possible. We are looking at days people, days. 17 days. Then, no more chemo ever. No. More. Chemo. Ever. Again.

I wish I were feeling more articulate so I could express what's going on inside of me. I'm afraid that my brain is rather floaty and loose right now. Perhaps later this week, some of these realizations and lessons will solidify enough to be documented.

Napping with Oreo

Round 5 Thursday. Check.

Oreo's Round 3 Steroid shot yesterday. Check.

We are both doing pretty well. Ready for a nap.

5 down, 1 to go!

I cannot believe that I've completed five rounds of chemotherapy. 15 weeks! That means just one more to go. Ever. It hasn't quite sunk in yet. Bring on June 24th!

Dominique accompanied my head to yesterday's round, which took place in the fancy new Chemo Lounge with a view of the Torrey Pines Golf course. Nikke was wonderful company and I appreciated her being there with me for acupuncture and chemo. Todd came for the final hour and took me home.

Interestingly, a woman named Sheila who was there for her first treatment came by my chair to compliment me on Dominique. I told her that I had another wig named Sheila! She is going to meet with Patti, the amazing wig lady on Tuesday. Sheila is going to name one of her wig's Claire. Ahhh, the tangled webs we weave.

Last night, I laid down at 6pm and didn't wake until 8:30am! Wow. I guess I needed it. No nausea again, thanks to Lois, the magical acupunturist. I am convinced that I haven't had any major issues with nausea because of her skill with the needles.

Frogs Yoga this morning. Feedback that I was "feisty" which means that the steroids were in full effect. Ahhh, love the Frogs Yoga Friday crew. Such beautiful energy. Followed this with the requisite Lululemon Carlsbad Forum visit. And purchases. Who can resist? Fabulous people, fabulous clothes! Steroid induced shopping is dangerous...

I'm thrilled to announce that I should be teaching a weekly Yoga for Cancer Therapy class at the Lululemon store for the month of August. This class will be specifically tailored for all types of cancer patients and those recovering from cancer treatment. Thereafter, I plan on adding a weekly class in North County. I cannot wait to start down this path.

Treatment-wise: I've got my CT scan scheduled for July 15th. We'll see if that pesky liver spot is still on my liver, whether it has shrunk or if it is gone. My vote is disappearance. Follow up with the oncologist on July 23rd. Seven weeks of radiation treatment starts around that time and I'm also supposed to start on the 5 year Tamoxafin drugs.

Silver lining: the chemotherapy portion of this ride is almost over.

Chemo Eve #5

The orange tang bag is packed. Again. Ready to head to Scripps.

Gossip magazines: Check.
Ipod: Check.
$400 anti-nausea medication: Check.
Incredible soft blanket from Dreamy: Check.
Cruncy cinnamon sugar Pita chips from Trader Joes. Check.

Today turned out to be a good day. I was still feeling kind of off this morning but, the lovely Christy treated me to an hour long Reflexology session at De la Sole in Del Mar. www.delasolereflexology.com. It was fabulous! The studio is completely zen, with big cushy chairs, soft lighting and peaceful music. Sixty minutes of a head massage, arm and hand massage and a fabulous foot reflexology massage. I accessed that blessed space between sleep and consciousness and left feeling relaxed and refreshed. I highly recommend it!

I'm also flying on my mandatory steroids. My 6pm Pilates Reformer class felt the energy this evening! I'm looking forward to teaching yoga in the morning before chemo. Even though I need to teach bald and feel like GI Jane. Can't wait for the hair to return....

The day was capped off by a fantastic dinner delivery from the sweet, generous Lori. Yum. It has been such a gift to have dinner dropped off over these last few months. It just makes the day so much easier and lifts the burden on Todd because I just don't have the energy to attempt dinner very often. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

No big lessons today but, I'm sure they are continuing to percolate. Day by day.

23 days to go....

It is almost time for Chemo Round #5. Thursday. That means it will officially be THREE WEEKS until the last round of chemotherapy. Pretty amazing. There really is an end to this portion of the journey. In sight.

I've been doing more yoga practice at home, specifically targeted to Yoga for Cancer Recovery. I've been utilizing the training I completed back in April. I think it is about all I can do until chemo is over.

My brother forwarded me a link to an article in Time magazine about how yoga helps cancer patients and survivors. You may have to cut and paste but, check it out:

Study: Yoga Improves Quality of Life After Cancer - TIME

http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1990540,00.html?artId=1990540?contType=article?chn=sciHealth

Yesterday was a great Memorial Day holiday. My newly engaged friend Angie and her fiance Darin came down to San Diego for an impromptu visit. The last few times Angie has been down have been dominated by the head-shaving party, the liver biopsy and bringing snacks to me as I was housebound with the evil drain. It was wonderful to actually have a social visit instead! We met up with friends at the beach, went to a great dinner at Via Italia and got to just hang out. Fabulous.

On the physical side, I've not felt great since the last round of chemotherapy. My legs are consistently fatigued, sore and generally not my own. I guess the cumulative effect is weighing me down. My right arm and shoulder still feel swollen and tight and I am praying vigorously that I don't have lymphedema. Please, please, please no!

Emotionally, I do feel that there is an end in sight and I'm very excited to have a true countdown. Radiation just feels like it won't be a big deal after chemo. I hope I'm not being naive! I'm just so ready for these three week cycles to cease and to return to a regular schedule. The "hold" that has been in effect will be lifted and I can start to implement some of the seeds planted during these last months.

23 days to go...