Really?

Yesterday was rough. Oreo, my 14 year old cuddly lovebug cat, was diagnosed with cancer too. He has only months to live. All I can say is Really?? I know they often say that pets mirror their guardians but, this is ridiculous.

I'm devastated. I adopted Oreo 9 years ago from the Rescue House as a companion for my kitty Jake. Oreo is the cat that insists on sleeping curled up next to me, either in the crook of my arm or pressed up against me. I've gotten so much love and comfort from him over the years. I'm so grateful for him. I hate seeing him in pain.

He got a prednisone(steroid) shot today and we'll give him one once a month. It helps alleviate symptoms, and will prolong his quality of life. Kind of like I get steroids with each round of chemotherapy to alleviate the side-effects. I'll be spoiling him rotten from here on out. Well, spoil him more. I've always said I'd love to come back as a Petretti cat.

Since my natural defenses are rather low, this is hitting me hard. Last night, I drowned my sorrow in the best vegetarian chili a la Randi, all of the brownies she made for Todd and I, and a big glass of red wine. Bawling the whole time. Chemo diet be damned. Losing an animal is so hard because there are no negative associations. It is pure love and affection.

Besides being focused on Oreo, I got organized with my medical bills and insurance. All I can say is thank goodness that I have kept my extremely expensive Cobra coverage from my former corporate job. A PPO, it covers a lot once my deductible is met. As I just discovered that all of the treatment will end up costing around $250,000, yes, a quarter of a million dollars, I'm glad I had the option for that level of insurance coverage.

A sampling of charges: One Round of chemotherapy: @ $9,000 plus
Neulasta shot day after chemo: $6,500
TOTAL: $15,000!!!

Most women endure 4 to 8 rounds of chemotherapy. Plus surgery. Plus tests. Plus appointments, etc. We're talking roughly a quarter million dollars when all is said and done. How do people cope without insurance? Or, crappy insurance that only pays a small portion? It is outrageous. Like we need additional stress. I'll bite back my health care tirade.

Finding the silver lining these last few days has been challenging. I did enjoy lunch with Lissa, who was the beneficiary of a big, fat emotional dump. Thanks Lissa: it means the world to have that kind of support. Friends and family are the light. Teaching was great tonight and another light in my life.

Back to the bottle.

Stay ahead of the Pain Meds!!

This photo is from Leonesse Winery. It captures my family dynamic quite well. My brother Robert, sister Yael, yours truly and my dad laughing at us all. We visited Temecula for the afternoon so I could really get a head start on my pain medication prior to the surgery yesterday. Nothing like a little red wine.

The recovery from this second surgery is significantly better than the first. No drain. No terrible fear at the potential of chemotherapy. Somehow, over the last few weeks, the chemotherapy became my reality. Wow. I started to do some more research in my natural medicine book on the antioxidants, vitamins and nutrition to counterbalance the poisonous drugs soon to be injected into my system. It is overwhelming.

I started reading about the side-effects again and it is unfathomable that I will be going through all of this over the next four months or so. Then 7 weeks of radiation. No, no, no, no! It is mind-boggling to list out all of the supplements I should take: the fish oil, the enzymes, the greens, the juicing, the vitamins. How much, when, on and on. What will help strengthen the white blood cells, which supplements will help diminish the bone marrow damage. It is enough to drive me insane.

I also got the first bill from my insurance company. Whew. A lot of money. And, it is just for January. No surgeries yet, none of these recent fancy scans and tests included. The financial aspect of this is scary. I feel grateful that I do have good insurance but, I'm going to be treated over the next six or seven months and I know the price of poison isn't cheap. I am freaking out. And, my COBRA coverage ends in August. I sure hope that I can get it extended.

I'm a whiner today, aren't I? It was a tough week. The liver spot threw me for a loop. Let's try to shift this. I felt in a fine mood but, the minute I started writing, the fears emerge. I've got a lot of yucky tests upcoming, including a 4 hour bone scan, the MRI with Eovist for the liver and an EKG. Whew.

Okay, shift gears Claire: I am very grateful for my family's visit and love, for Todd(who insists that I give him photographer credit for this photo), for all of my awesome friends support. My lovely girls are taking me to Palm Springs next weekend so that I can finally get my craving for lazing by the pool fulfilled. I cannot wait to just absorb some sunshine, read a book, leave this part of my life behind for a little while.

Time for pain meds....they tell you not to fall behind or they won't work! We cannot have that. :)