Getting caught naked in public......

or, my version.

Yesterday we went to Zion National Park and hiked in the striking beauty of the red rock cliffs. The sky was clear and blue, the sun was shining and emerald green trees and water surrounded us. We were in full vacation mode after two fantastic days at Best Friends.

And, then, my worst nightmare since I've been bald occurred.

The disaster occurred as we were descending the trail from the Upper Emerald Pool and moved aside to allow some hikers to pass us. As I stepped out of the way, a tree branch caught on my cute cream hat and yanked it off. Exposing my bald head for all to see. I felt naked. Vulnerable. Hideously ugly. Like the only person in the world with cancer. I cried. And, I couldn't get over it for the rest of the day.

Since I began wearing Sheila and hats with hat hair, my biggest fear has been that someone will pull off my hat, revealing my bald head. For example, when we were at the movies, I was convinced that the person behind me was going to ask me to remove my hat. I didn't wear the hat hair to fly to Utah because I was scared that the security officers would make me take it off for some reason. Fear, fear, fear.

I hate being scared. Nervous. It just isn't my personality.

Perhaps the baldness represents everything that I hate about this journey. Just like my breasts are part of my identity and my femininity, so is my hair.

And, I just don't want people that I don't know to look at me and immediately know my biggest life battle. Can't I have my privacy? That may sound hypocritical since I am blogging for all to see but, it is different for me to sit here in the privacy of my home writing on the computer.

Standing bald on a trail in Zion, with healthy people surrounding me rendered me helpless, isolated, alone. So solitary on my journey. I couldn't shake that feeling.

Whereas at Best Friends I felt "normal" in just the hat, it didn't feel that way at Zion or in the airport or the airplane on the way home. The stewardess was just a little too cheery, the security officer who checked my license was too kindly.

Overall, the weekend was incredible. I cannot stop thinking about all the animals that we encountered. Best Friends will definitely be an annual trip. We loved it. Happy times.

Three days to Round #4.