Getting better

I'm not planning on quitting the chemo regime. I'm already bald and invested in two rounds. I am just not happy about it. And, I'd really rather stop at four rounds instead of six. Perhaps if I say it enough, it will happen. Positive manifestation, right? Four, Quatre, Quattro, Four, Four, 4.

Finally, today, I feel better. Some of the darkness has lifted from my brain and a little more light filtered in. Physically, I feel okay. Weird eye-tics and bloody nose aside. I've had good workouts every day, including some restorative yoga this afternoon. I've eaten well and been consistent with my numerous supplements. I've received several calls, messages, cards as well as uplifting comments on this blog. It helps so much. I guess if there were ever a time I needed all the love, it is now.

The way my brain works is that something has to make sense to me before I can accept it. And, the lack of guarantees and grey areas of this treatment are hard to reconcile. I wish I could have blind faith that I was doing the right thing. It would make this battle much more palatable. Acceptance isn't easy. I'm sure I will be kicking and screaming all the way to June 24th. Or, May 13th if my 4 wish comes true.

I don't have to BE anywhere or DO anything for the next few days and that feels fabulous. Some yoga, some long walks on the beach, some time with my kitties, some reading, some time for reflection. On the road back up.