Humbled and Embarrassed.....

by the grocery shopping trip and the reasons behind it.

Spoiler to all my healthy, nutrition-savvy, holistic friends: I had to do it. I had to buy this stuff. Really. And, I've already started eating it.

So, I slinked into the grocery store incognito with sunglasses firmly in place. If one of my students saw me, it would be like the time I got caught red-handed at In-n-Out burger with a double-double at 10:30am. Or at Wine Steals with syrah-stained lips and the remains of a 4-cheese pizza. I had to be stealthy.

Yesterday, the nurse advised me to go for the bland, "d" diet. No fiber. No whole-grains. Sodium to help with dehydration. Basically the opposite of healthy eating. I was actually going for sodium, which I avoid at all costs because I blow up like a puffer fish when I eat any salt. Soft, moist foods for my upset tummy.

My shopping cart: (copied from receipt for accuracy):

Jello Vanilla Pudding
Applesauce
Thomas' English Muffins (white)
2 Baking Potatoes
Tub of "shedd spread" Mashed Potatoes
Can of Chicken with Rice soup (white rice)
Zantac
Bananas
Haagen-Daaz Low Fat Frozen Vanilla Yogurt
Ginger Snaps (ginger good for tummy)
Organic Low-fat Chocolate Milk (not recommended but, I extrapolated)
Rold Gold Pretzels

There is a method to this madness. Let me explain.

This week has been challenging, to put it mildly. One minute I feel okay and then BOOM, something else hits me. Now, my bone pain seems better, just a moderate headache. I can handle that. I've also got some new preventative tips for next go-round with the Neulasta shot. I cannot go through that type of pain again. Won't, shan't, can't.

Yesterday morning I taught my Pilates Group Reformer class and felt a step above okay. My stomach wasn't steady and I felt like I had a bout of stomach flu. Nonetheless, after teaching, I got on the reformer to attempt a mini-workout. That lasted 10 minutes and I was pooped. And, a little dizzy from being on my back. Humbling....

Next, I stopped to get some veggie juice and dropped into Lululemon Carlsbad for a quick "hello." Within a matter of minutes, my energy level plummeted. Not fast enough for me to escape without the brand new, fabulous Lululemon White Denim Jacket. When I put it on, I instantly felt healthier and prettier. All that in a jacket. As evidenced by the above photo!

I returned home and promptly lay down for what appears to now be a habitual daily nap. My tummy continued to give me trouble. Can I be more euphemistic?

Did I forget to mention the little tidbit about buying a bottle of Mylanta on Tuesday night? And that I chugged it out of the bottle in the Vons parking lot? Do not put keys in ignition. Do not pass go. Do nothing before opening the bottle and gulping it down as fast as possible! If I did mention it, it is worth repeating. Who am I these days? Is chugging Mylanta worse than chugging Mikes Hard Lemonade after the breast biopsy? Methinks yes. Less dignity.

After napping intermittently throughout the afternoon, I dragged myself up to teach my evening Pilates Group Reformer class. My stomach had other plans for me and I had to excuse myself a few times during class. Not embarrassing at all. Not one bit.

One of my students dropped off an amazing dinner for me at Frogs, and I promptly hightailed it home to share it with my friend Kirsten. It was absolutely delicious but, I don't think my stomach appreciated any invasion that was not a clear broth, ginger ale or absolutely white and fiberless.

Let's just say that my evening deteriorated to a point where I had a temperature of 99.7 degrees (100.5 means hospital), and absolutely no respite in sleep. At around midnight, I had to call and leave messages to have my morning yoga classes covered because there was no way I was getting out of bed, much less walking and talking. I just prayed that I wouldn't have to go to the hospital. I think I nodded off at 3am.

After speaking to the nurses a few times, I was advised to go on an extremely bland, white food, soft, fiber-FREE diet for a while. Potentially throughout treatment.

So, all of my virtuous pursuits into vegetables are on hold for a little while. Nothing that could upset the delicate organ that is my new stomach. The stomach that has been decimated by chemotherapy, pain meds, sleeping meds, steroids, anti-nausea meds, at least 10 different natural supplements and probably is just a gaping hole in my mid-section.

Time for dinner! Mashed potatoes, chocolate milk (organic) and some vanilla pudding for dessert.