A little patience...

How did it get to be July 20th? My birthday is a week from tomorrow. How did I get to be a week shy of 44? This photo is from my 40th.

44??? Really? The doctors all keep telling me that they are treating me so aggressively because I am so young. 20 is young. 44 is...gasp...dare I say it?....Middle Aged.

What do they say? 50 is the new 30? And, 40 is the new 20? What does that make me?

Some days I feel 100, wise and experienced beyond my years. But, if I am honest, most days I feel like I'm about 25. Maturity-wise anyways. And, that is fine with me. It is all an attitude, right? I plan on approaching life with a childlike wonder for many more years.

No word from the oncologist regarding the results of the liver CT-scan. That must be good news. I meet with her on Friday. We'll see if she has a more convincing line regarding the radiation. She's said a few times that I could have been cancer free right after surgery. They just don't know. I wish she hadn't told me that.

I've spoken with a few people, some who have experience in the medical field and who have recently researched this issue. The consensus seems to reinforce that view that I am REALLY young. Radiation to the location where the tumor was removed is basically extra insurance to make double-pinky-swear-sure that any rogue cancer cell is squashed. They just don't know. How is that possible? The uncertainty stings.

The lessons in patience and faith don't seem to be slowing down. The hand and arm continue to wax and wane. Even a mellow walk causes my hand to swell up. How much bandaging can one arm take? They were torn off at 5am and tossed across the room. Again. It is so hard to sleep with three layers of bandages from knuckle to armpit. I am starting to have dreams that I'm completely wrapped up from head to toe. Not pretty. No mystery deconstructing that dream!

Time to go wrap the arm.