Getting emotional

Love this photo from Palm Springs pre-chemo! Makes me happy looking at it.

This week is going well thus far. I'm very excited to be heading to Napa the day after tomorrow! Nothing like getting out of town for a few days, especially somewhere as beautiful as Napa Valley. We get to stay in the middle of a vineyard! Talk about heaven.

So, for some reason I am crying often these days.

This morning, I cried when I made my appointment with the Radiation Oncologist. Mid-July is full of doctor's appointments again. It may sound strange but, having chemo every three weeks was kind of nice hiatus compared to the testing phase prior to it. At that point, Todd wanted to buy a frequent flier parking pass because we were at Scripps so often. As did all my friends who accompanied me to various probings.

I go in for a CT-Scan of my abdomen on July 15th to see if the liver spot has changed. All this chemo poison should've knocked it out if it were anything other than a cyst or birthmark. I am staying positive on the liver spot! If it is bad news, Todd and I are hitting France and Italy before Australia! Travel time....

The next day, I go in to see my Radiation Oncologist for a tattooing on the spot where they will direct the radiation beam. Every single day, 5 days a week, for seven weeks. Yes, my poor right boob. Darn! I've never wanted a tattoo, never wanted a permanent mark on my body and now I've got no choice. Scars and tattoos are unwelcome, uninvited reminders of the big C.

And, more daily crying for Oreo and his cancer. I can really see him slowing down. The vet did tell me that with his type of cancer, it is usually a matter of months. I hope he holds on! His last steroid shot didn't seem to have the same effect as the first two. At night, he has developed an unfortunate pattern of howling at the top of his lungs, and yes it is a howl not a meow, and jumping up onto the bed. He purrs for 5 minutes, settles in just long enough for me to return to sleep, and then hops off. Repeat. Several times. Not good for Todd and I's REM sleep, let me tell you.

For some reason, he can sleep uninterrupted for several hours during the day. He slept right through the earthquake last night. Hmmmm....funny how that works. Maybe I should wake him up repeatedly all day? That would show him! Seriously though, he looks like a little old man these days. I've had him for nine years so, it is a challenging process to begin letting him go. Hopefully not anytime soon.

Okay, time to go teach yoga. That blessed relief from thinking about me, me, me and giving to others. I don't know if I'd be doing as well as I've been if it weren't for having the gift of teaching.