Festivities, Hot Flashes and surprises

I'm feeling filled with gratitude this weekend. Friends, fun and festivities.

Friday night I led a yoga class at Sculpt Fusion Yoga for Breast Cancer Awareness month. Donations went to the Young Survival Coalition, a group where I've found a great deal of support with other young women hit by cancer.

All week, I alternated between feeling excited to teach and nostalgic for the days when I could teach there without a concern. I hadn't been to SFY in months. I used to teach classes at SFY five times a week but, due to the chemo/radiation/lymphedema, my body betrayed me each time I stepped into the heated room. Either I'd feel dizzy and nauseous or the lymphedema flared up and my hand and arm would start swelling up again.

It was a great night and wonderful to see old faces. I really miss the community. I did have a big of a heat hangover afterwards. The class was supposed to be non-heated, however, an earlier class ended only fifteen minutes prior and the heat just didn't dissipate. So, everyone got a lot sweatier than anticipated and I ended up having a Hot-Flash kinda-night.

Apparently, it takes about three months for your body to get rid of the effects of the radiation. It makes sense I guess: 36 rounds of daily radiation is bound to leave some after-effects. So, part of the radiation legacy is that your internal body temperature clock doesn't work. No sleep for me. I was burning up and sweating and tossing and turning all night long. Clothes, lymphedema sleeve and even a cat or two went flying in the dark.

So, that cleared up any ambiguity regarding whether I was ready to practice or teach in the heat, even moderate. No need to hurry it. I'll try again. December 15th is the three month mark. Not unexpected but, nonetheless disappointing.

Two parties on Saturday! First stop was Lori's baby shower. She is going to be the best baby mama to little Natalie. And, Natalie is going to be a very well-dressed little girl! It was really nice to share in the celebration of new life with a lovely group of women.

Next, the fun began at 5pm at Party City where Todd and I and every other Halloween procrastinator battled over masks and costumes. We emerged unscathed with a couple of ornate masks, ready for a glass of wine and a surprise birthday party for Dino. At Blanca, everyone donned masks and let's just say that the birthday boy was suprised! Friends and family traveled from as far as Canada to share in the celebration.

A great reminder that you just never know what surprises are around the corner, right?

Whirlwind Week!

Wow, what a whirlwind since I last wrote. An amazing career opportunity dropped into my lap and I've been running around like a chicken with my head cut off to prepare all the submission requirements. It is a part-time gig and would fit in perfectly with everything else in my life. Fingers crossed!

Here's a hint: I had to order transcripts. Yes, college and law school transcripts. Really. And, of course, law schools being what they are, they won't allow you to order your transcript online. So, I had to drive up to USD Law School and walk in to the Registrar's office. Can I tell you what an out-of-body experience it was to step into Warren Hall? Flashbacks flowed fast and hard. I didn't run out of there but, I'd say it was a fast trot back to my car and off of that campus.

USD's campus is beautiful. I'm glad to see that my still-unpaid law school loans are keeping the gardeners in business. And, I'm sure that I saw a new wing to one of the buildings that was personally funded by my six-figure contribution.

I've frequently discussed that I have taken a lot of risks in my short little life and really don't have any regrets. Except, I do think if I had the chance for a redo, I would skip law school. Yes, skip it I would.

I'm finally back home for a little while. It seems like we'd just gotten accustomed to being back after Australia and then we flew to Savannah on Friday for my dear friend Angie's wedding. The wedding was fantastic, Angie was a beautiful bride and Darin a proud and emotional groom. I'd say the whole experience rated as one of the most perfect weddings ever!

I'm grateful that we were able to go. Life is short, friends are dear and experiences are what matter most. And, Savannah has to be one of the most unique and beautiful cities I've ever seen. I tried two new foods: fried green tomatoes, which were yummy and boiled peanuts, which were decidedly not. Gross.

Tuesday night I attended the YSC Spa Night at SK Sanctuary in La Jolla. The evening is put on by YSC and included free massages and facials, h'ors d'oevres, fabulous goodie bags and an inspiring speaker: Stefanie LaRue. Stefanie was diagnosed with Stage IV breast cancer at age 30 and told that she had 9 months to live. That was 5 years ago. She personifies hope. I know that I felt uplifted and happy after the evening.

Now I've got to go prepare for a yoga class that I am teaching tomorrow night for Breast Cancer Awareness Month. The class will be held at Sculpt Fusion Yoga at 5:30pm, with all donations to benefit YSC. I'm looking forward to it!

Saved by a fork....life is back to normal!

Life is returning to status quo. How do I know it?

What happened this afternoon wouldn't have happened while I was going through diagnosis and treatment. The Universe or God or whatever you choose to call the powers-that-be know that this escapade would have broken me just a few short months ago. Today, I wish I had it on film because it must've looked hysterical.

At approximately 11:50am, I exited the house to go teach my 12:15 yoga class at Frogs. I had everything I needed: new yoga mix loaded ipod, umbrella, and lunch in the form of quinoa salad from Seaside Market. I'd even brought a fork with me to eat said salad. I never bring silverware with me.

What was missing? Well, as the door clicked shut behind me, it struck me. I didn't have my keys. No car key. No house key. Oops. No spare key stored anywhere. Todd out of town until tomorrow night.

I was locked outside, in the rain mind you, with no way to get to class or to get back inside. Luckily, I did have my cell phone. "I'll just call the pet sitter," I thought. Well, Sally's phone just rang and rang, with no voicemail or answering machine picking up. Great.

The clock was ticking.

Next, I called Frogs and explained my embarrassing predicament to the resourceful Lori. Luckily, Franco, a yoga teacher was in the club and could step in for me at the last minute. I was free to focus on getting in.

Determined, I climbed up onto our balcony on the off chance that the sliding glass door might be unlocked. It wasn't. The cats stared at me from inside, completely baffled. I exited the slippery balcony as gracefully, ahem, as I had entered it. Next, I called Todd and he suggested I break into the dining room window, which is about 4-5 feet up from ground level. Wet, muddy, leaf-covered ground level.

In vain, I struggled with the wet, cob-web covered screen. No dice.

Returning to the front of the house, I contemplated the front door. Just me, the rain and the locked door. Wait! The fork rested on top of my pile of things on the front mat.

Then, my aha moment occurred. The fork! Prongs! The intractable screen!

I scurried back to the rear of the house. With a few sharp stabs, I'd ripped the screen apart. Next challenge: pop the stick we had in the window out so I could open it wide enough to climb inside. Completed on the third attempt.

Now that I had an opening, my next dilemma was how to get in? The window is too high for me to pull myself up. The table on the balcony called to me and so, I hoisted myself up again and picked up the table and dropped it over to the wet ground. With the added height from the table, I was able to drag myself through the window. I belly-flopped onto the floor. Success!

Just as I landed, Sally called, offering to come over with my key and let me in.

Imagine that.

Hair and Yoga

Rainy weekend. What is up with this weather in San Diego? It isn't supposed to rain in October. Ever! At least I don't have to worry about what will happen to my wig anymore! I am officially wearing my own hair: Version 2.0.

I've gotten comments from "it isn't too terrible, you can always get extensions, right?" to my personal favorite: "rocking a blonde Halle Barry." The truth, as usual, lies somewhere between these two extremes. It is just so freeing to not have to worry about what hat or hair I will don prior to leaving the house.

And, more importantly, the fact that my hair is now growing fast means that I am returning to health. As it was a symbol of my sickness when I was bald, it now is a clear indicator that I am on the road to recovery. Because I feel stronger each day, I have worked out for the last seven days in a row. The only reminder is the ever-present lymphedema sleeve. My goal is to build up the activity and hold steady, then start weaning off of wearing the sleeves 24/7. I can't wait.

Yesterday, I had a breakthrough at the wonderful Katie Brauer's yoga class. For the first time in several months, I was able to practice a full vinyasa flow class without modifications. A few walls were dropped and the tears flowed. I have been craving this type of movement to release the pent-up emotions stuck in my body. Finally! I cannot describe how it feels to start feeling connected in my mind, body and heart once again.

Grateful.
Ecstatic.
Sad.

Emotionally, I'm all over the place. What a shocker! It just feels strange to be returning to only some of my prior teaching. Much has shifted. I know that new doorways are opening but, perhaps this gloomy weather has instilled some melancholy in my soul. I guess that is to be expected. I need to keep reminding myself not to project too far into the future.

Day by beautiful day.

Movin, movin, movin....

Friday afternoon. Just returned from a great pilates session. My plan had been to make it to Pure Barre this morning but, I didn't get any sleep last night. I thought that the hot flashes were over but, last night I alternated being drenched in sweat and shivering from the chills. Tamoxifin side-effects. Please tell me that I will not be experiencing this for the next five years.

This week has been really busy and fulfilling. My goal was to exercise every day. A friend said that I must be really self-disciplined. Maybe. The reality is that I am so excited to feel healthy enough to work out, that I am eager to move daily. Now that I can go, I am thrilled to do so! Pure Barre, Pilates, two yoga sessions, and my first Zumba experience.

Ahhh, Zumba with the lovely April Buck leading a full class of enthusiastic Zumba-ers. Or, is it Zumba-ettes? I am happy to report that I didn't injure myself or anyone else in the class. It was so much fun! I realized a few important truths about myself:

1. I can still grapevine with the best of them,
2. I can also still step-ball-change,
3. I have absolutely no hip action! Everyone else was rocking and rolling their hips and there I was. The hip swivels need some work! I've got no game.

What stood out the most was how everyone was laughing and smiling as we danced all over the room. Again, I feel so grateful that I am done with treatment and could fully participate. For months I've been restricted in a million different ways. Not to preach but, if you are wavering on going to exercise, just do it. Because you can!

Journey back to a new reality

I think that I may finally be feeling like myself. What a transition!

So, I highly recommend that anyone completing treatment for any kind of cancer should hightail it out of town for a vacation afterwards. Somewhere that you will be present and engaged, without pesky distractions like hospital gowns. I'm still riding the high from our trip to Australia. The last nine months really seem like a faraway dream.

This week marks a return to a "regular" work schedule. I must admit that this is harder than I realized. First of all, it isn't viable for me to return to several of the classes and clients that I had to leave this year. I am mourning the communities at active.com and Sculpt Fusion Yoga, where I am no longer a regular fixture. The people have been fabulous and supportive and I want to be there in the capacity that I was pre-cancer but, it isn't looking like an option.

Many other doors have opened and are opening and for that, I am grateful and happy. I love starting fresh and having that excitement and anticipation of growth. Lord knows I've done it enough! And, knowing that I am not the same as I was in January when this all began means that I am not returning to my old life. Instead, I am launching into a new life, whether I am ready for it or not. Even if I did go back to my exact former schedule, too much has changed.

I'm still a little shocked when I catch my reflection in the mirror and see the champagne blonde cropped hair! Who is that tough, chic creature? Talk about changed. But, it is so freeing to leave the house without it even occurring to me to cover my head. Fabulous.

If I focus too much on what the future holds, I feel overwhelmed and not a little bit fearful. So, I remind myself to take it day by day and live in the present. My intent this week is to do that, no matter what. One of my daily intentions is to exercise for an hour each day, no matter what. I need to rebuild my physical strength and fortify my mental clarity and emotional calmness.

So far, two yoga classes and a hellish hour (seemed like ten) in Pure Barre on Monday. The two yoga classes have not alleviated the incredible soreness I am experiencing in my entire derriere yet. Ouch! I should be able to walk normally by Friday and plan on hitting Pure Barre again. Pure Barre La Costa is offering free classes to cancer survivors for the entire month of October. Generous and amazing.

Tomorrow I may make it to Zumba finally! Because now I can!

Back from Down Under: entry #1

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaack.

Back from what was an absolutely amazing, incredible, dare I say perfect, vacation? I'm not feeling like the brightest bulb at the moment because I'm still not adjusted to the time change. We left Sydney at 3pm on Sunday and arrived in Los Angeles at 10:30am the same day. Twilight Zone. My body doesn't know what to do. I wake up at 2am ravenous and then cannot keep the eyes open at noon. Hopefully, it will all work out by the weekend.

I plan on using the next few entries to discuss all the cool things we did in Oz. From seeing koalas and kangaroos on the side of the Great Ocean Road to the Marriage of Figaro at the Sydney Opera House to eating and drinking enough to keep a family of four satisfied to walking for hours without getting tired. For the most part, I was able to stay in the present moment and not worry or even consider anything happening back at home. It was so healing and I really do feel "back to normal."

But, my predominating blog theme of my hair did rear its ugly head on more than one occasion. Going through security at LAX wearing only a hat was tough because not one but, two security people asked me to remove my hat while squinting disbelievingly at my passport. I can't blame them because my hair was so short and my hairline so stark, with brown hair I looked like a cross between Eminem and a teletubby. Picture a drawn-on hair hat. Who knew I should've left it salt and pepper?

It isn't just that I hated feeling hideous but, that seeing that hair reminded me of the cancer. At least with a wig on, I looked more like myself.

Now, that issue is resolved because as of yesterday my hair is champagne blonde. A trainer at the gym told me that I look european. I think I look a bit like a newborn duck or chick but, I like it. A milestone day: I left the house without a wig or a hat and it felt so freeing!

After an overnight, 14 1/2 hour flight, we arrived in Sydney. The first few days, Todd and I stumbled around like a pair of drunken sailors. We were intent on staying up until at least 6pm that first day so we could adjust to the 17 hour time difference. We stayed in an area called the Rocks, which is an incredibly charming historical part of town, right on the harbor. We could see the iconic Sydney Opera House from our hotel room window. Although those first few days are blurry in my memory, I know that I loved Sydney!

Where else can you drink a bottle of wine entitle "Ladies Who Shoot Their Lunch"?

Maybe that is why those first few days were blurry?