Crossing the finish line...

Today marked an incredible first for me! My alkaline level tested at 7.5, which has never happened before.

For those of you who aren't familiar with the alkaline/acid levels in your body and how they impact your health. a 7.5 is the ideal number. When your body is too acidic, under the 7 range (or maybe 6.5), you are much more susceptible to disease. For instance, my levels tended to be in the 6 range throughout my cancer treatment, no matter how many vegetables I ate or green drinks I consumed. I am officially detoxed!

Success! As today is the night before my two-year anniversary of my breast cancer diagnosis, it feels really good to know that my body is healthy inside.

So, once again, I didn't sleep last night. I felt very tired and kind of weak today and it is hard to tell if that is because I am wanting more solid food or if I'm just exhausted from sleeplessness. Probably a combination of the two. I will not lie: I am hungry.

Today's drinks were delicious! If I were to rank my favorite flavors of the cleanse:

1. The smoothies--satisfied my sweet tooth
2. the juices--really fresh and enjoyed the variety
3. the elixirs--yummy and right in the nick of time in the late afternoon
4. the salads--tasty and you get to chew!
5. the soups--I am not really a soup person. I rarely, if ever, eat it. These were definitely tasty and unique and if you do love soup, you'll be in heaven.

Overall, this has to be the freshest, most satisfying and varied cleanse around. The care and love put into every single detail from the packaging to the preparation is obvious. I felt supported and was able to ask questions and ask for help at any time. Lisa and Meredith were very responsive.

I will admit: I resisted cleanses for years and only tried my first one last year in an effort to purify my body from all the drugs and radiation. This is not something I'll do every month! When I do a cleanse again, which will not be for quite a while, it will definitely be Beaming. I am only doing 3 days of the 4 but, feel like I got great benefits!

I feel lighter and leaner and ready to incorporate some of the tools I gained in my everyday diet. I'm also happy to have zero cravings.

Day 2: Energy and Emotions

Day 2: Unfortunately, I didn’t have a good night’s sleep last night. I was so sure that I would sleep like a baby because I had no caffeine or sugar. Perhaps all those greens energized me too much? Or, the Full Moon did its thing?

Despite the sleepless night, I did wake up with a lot of energy and that increased once I had my green drink. It is so funny to me that I voluntarily consume beverages with Kale listed as a primary ingredient. If you’d like to hear my true view on Kale, please check out this older post when I was forced to consume it: http://clairepetretti.blogspot.com/2010/01/kale-kale-everywhereeven-in-mammoth.html. I enjoyed this morning’s green drink and when I went to teach my 9am yoga class at Reform Yoga, I was flying.

Once again my smoothie was delicious. We had the option of swapping out the lunch soup with the dinner salad. As I think I need the solid food in the middle of the day, I gobbled up the delicious salad. These salads are so delicious and each one has been different. I love the variety. The cleanses I’ve done before became very monotonous and now I look forward to the different juices and meals each day.

My energy remained high in the afternoon and I ended up cleaning the house and finishing up a variety of business projects. Teaching my third class of the day at 7pm was a little bit rough, I must admit. My legs just gave up on me in Garudasana. I had to advise my students to "Do as I say, not as I do." Perhaps I should have rested this evening after such an active day?

I’m happy to be halfway through the cleanse already! I’m going to take advantage of the Beaming Bucks at 20 Lounge in Cardiff and add a honey mask to my pedicure. Yes! I love pampering.

I must admit that I’ve felt a lot of emotions come up today, especially ones from the past. I wonder if I am releasing those as well as the physical toxins? What a fabulous benefit that would be.

Happy New Year with Beaming Cleanse

If someone had told me two years ago that I would be embarking upon a 4 day post-holiday cleanse and that I would be excited about it, I would have laughed.

Times sure have changed.

Two years ago, on January 12, 2010, I was diagnosed with Stage II breast cancer. And, this blog documented my rollercoaster of a journey. So much has happened since then and most of it is positive. As I approach my two year anniversary, I want to feel healthy and strong. I've learned how vital nutrition is to radiant health.

I am really excited to be experiencing the Beaming cleanse with several other people in San Diego. Of course, I want to feel rejuvenated, lighter and leaner but, these days I am more focused on detoxifying my body. Like most people, I was a glutton over the holidays and need to break my sugar addiction. Should the side-benefit of weight loss occur from this endeavor, I wouldn't mind one bit.

Day 1: Yesterday, I received my Beaming cleanse bag from the pick-up site in Solana Beach, The Nest. The refrigerated bag unzipped to reveal organized and labeled juices, soups, elixirs and a salad. Everything was numbered in order of how they were to be consumed. I really like how Beaming is making it easy to follow the program. Beautiful presentation: I was very impressed.

I admit that I was worried about not having my daily morning cup of coffee. And, I did feel a little shaky without caffeine until I had Bottle #2 which was a really yummy smoothie. After that, the raw soup for lunch energized me enough to enjoy a walk on the beach. I’m excited for dinner: a scrumptious looking salad. Everything was prepared with care and attention to detail. It feels like I've checked into a luxurious spa vacation and my personal chef is catering to me.

Overall, Day 1 went well and I’m looking forward to tomorrow. I really haven't been hungry and more importantly, I'm not craving anything at all, which is amazing.

I’ve picked up Day 2’s container, which just happened to be green. Coincidence?

What a difference a year makes!

February 26th: it was one year ago today that I had my second surgery. Some of you may recall that I referred to it as my Don't put Baby in the Corner day. I don't mean to be an enormous cliche but, I cannot help myself: what a difference a year makes. Today's San Diego Union-Tribune features an article on me called, "Yoga Instructor Doesn't Let Cancer Keep Her Down."

Seriously. I don't know that the link is up yet but, I've got the paper in my hot little hands. Section B. Page 2.

Many have asked me to keep blogging. And, I now feel that I can. My fingers have been tingling to tap the keys. I've been so focused on helping coordinate the Yoga for Hope event on March 5th and on teaching my new classes at MiraCosta College that I haven't had the energy. Ahh, the irony that last year I complained about feeling like I was in limbo, in an incubator, stagnant like a dying pond. Now, it is all I can do to maintain the pace. Again, what a difference a year makes.

Last year at this time, I had months of treatment ahead of me. Now, I'm in the rebuilding phase. I must say that although I'm continuing to get stronger, it isn't as fast as I would prefer. Not fast enough. Never fast enough. But, I need to remind myself how far I've come and be patient. Ahhh, patience. That virtue that failed to miraculously appear. Never had it, and probably never will. I guess I just am eager to gobble up life now.

My yoga practice feels better each time I step onto the mat and I am extremely grateful. I'm so grateful that I can get up and go to class. Period. I can go for hour-long walks again. Even up hills! My hair is now long enough that people think I chose to have a chic short do. Honestly, the hair is too stylish for me! I can't wait until it is longer and I can put it in a ponytail. For now, I am thrilled to have my own hair.

My battle with Tamoxifen, the evil estrogen-blocker that I am sentenced to consume for the next five years, is not progressing well. The side-effects are not disappearing. The side-effects stink. It has gotten to the point where the insomnia was so unbearable that I had to stop taking it. For two blissful weeks, I felt great: no bloating, constipation, hot flashes, depression, mood swings. I've re-started it at a lower dosage, although my doctor doesn't know that yet. I am trying to find that balance between my quality of life now and whether I believe that the tamoxifen is as vital as the medical community tells me. Again, I'm not convinced.

The last few weeks have been a flurry of media activity to promote Yoga for Hope. This event is so amazing and I am thrilled at the positive response we've received.

I need to prepare my speech. It only has to be three minutes but, I want it to be great. Part of the struggle lies in the fact that EVERY survivor has an important story and how is mine unique? All I can do is share my experience and hope that it resonates. No pressure.

I just want to make sure I emphasize that I wouldn't be here without the support and love of everyone in my life. Absolutely, no question: the biggest gift was learning to receive. Thank you.

Musings on the ending of 2010

For last year's words belong to last year's language. And next year's words await another voice. And to make an end is to make a beginning.
-- T.S. Eliot

As 2010 draws to a conclusion, I must admit that I feel a great deal of pressure to create a few pithy blog entries. Lovely passages that sum up this rollercoaster of a year. Lovely passages thanking all the beautiful people in my life without whom I wouldn't have survived. Lovely passages reflecting in a nice, neat manner all that I am thankful for. Lovely passages listing out all that I have learned. Lovely passages wrapping up this year-long journey in a beautifully wrapped bow.

Wouldn't that be lovely?

Instead, I have to say that December has been scattered, at best. Talk about changes. Endings. Beginnings. I haven't sat down and truly reflected on everything that transpired this year, both cancer and non-cancer related. Or, is everything somehow cancer related because the bulk of my time was spent fighting it?

Last December, I had a reading from a Psychic/Tarot reader who told me that I would receive all I wanted in this lifetime: love, success in my chosen endeavors, passion, security but, at a price. She said that my life was tinged with bittersweet and as long as I could accept the bitter with the sweet, I would be fine. So, in reviewing 2010, let's see if that holds up.

It is so true that you should never give up hope because you never know what is just around the corner. Who could have predicted on January 1st where I would be today? Or, on January 12th, when I was formally diagnosed with cancer?

One of my dreams is to become a successful author: I now have a full manuscript and am in the process of submitting it for publication. What was the price? Cancer. It may take me a while to get it published but, I've proven to myself that I can write daily and be disciplined. Finishing my romance novel is next.

I have grown closer to some amazing people and am thrilled at the richness and depth of the burgeoning relationships. What was the price? Letting go of other relationships that did not withstand the cancer. I know that people often come into your life for a period of time and then move on and that is okay. I am still very sad at some of the losses but, am choosing to accept and let go. My family and true friends have been amazing and I am not yet able to articulate all I am feeling in that regard.

Todd stood by me throughout this most challenging of years and really showed me how real our love is. We are enjoying re-establishing the new normal. I don't know how you ever really thank someone for all the love and selfless devotion it takes to be the partner of someone in treatment for cancer. I guess by healing and moving on? Or, a Rolex?

I just cannot believe that it has been almost a year. Wow. I am not going to say that I am a better person for having cancer because I don't think that I am. It has definitely changed my path and deepened my purpose in helping and healing. But, at the end of the day, I am the same Claire who loves the people in her life, the same Claire that is the little old cat lady in training, the same Claire who loves teaching, the same Claire who likes to rock out to Guns N Roses, the same Claire who yells at all the incompetent drivers, the same Claire that loves bread, cheese, wine and chocolate.

Same old Claire: now if the hair would just grow faster!

Insomnia, insomnia, go away!

It is 1am Sunday night and I cannot fall back asleep. When will the insomnia stop plaguing me? I fell asleep normally but, woke up about 45 minutes ago and sleep eludes me. Instead of suffering in bed, tossing and turning, I'll write.

Why am I awake? Let's see: my lymphedema seems to be acting up a little bit and the giant oven-mitt night sleeve feels extremely tight and constricting. When I removed it to type on the computer, the grooves on my arm are deep. In fact, this sleeve has woken me up numerous nights simply from the discomfort. I guess that means it is working?

Next, the hot flashes are hitting me hard again. I think it is time to see Lois again for some acupuncture. The last round must have worn off or something! As I write, my face feels flushed with heat.

And, tomorrow or should I say today, I've got my first MRI check-up post-treatment. We did the mammogram a few weeks back and they said it looked clear. Well, last September my mammogram was normal and I found the tumor four months later. Not exactly reassuring.

In February, the MRI was one of a myriad of tests that really sucked. Really horrible. They put an IV in my arm with dye and it is painful. Then, they have you lay down in a machine with your boobs in slots as the jackhammering of the machine blots out the rest of the world.

I am not looking forward to it. At all.

So, I guess the combination of these three things is keeping my brain active despite the tiredness of my mind and body.

Life continues to fly at a pace that I can barely keep up with. There is just so much to do! All positive! I continue to remind myself to breathe. Pause and breathe.

Between preparing the syllabus and course outline for the Spring semester at MiraCosta, arranging and attending meetings for the upcoming Yoga for Hope event, www.yogaforhope.org/sd, sending out query letters to agents for my proposed book, being interviewed for Vision Magazine, setting up a meeting with a videographer to discuss filming a DVD for Yoga for Cancer Recovery, preparing for Christmas, and continuing to build my yoga practice and physical activity back up to pre-cancer levels and oh yes, teaching, I'm riding the magic carpet ride!

Micaela and Todd from EpicPhotoJournalism took some amazing photos of me for the Yoga for Hope event, including the one in this post. A symbol of rebirth and healing.

I am looking forward to a lull in the activity to sit and reflect on all the changes for 2010. Some powerful transitions and transformations this year. I feel blessed to be feeling as good as I feel and to have so many amazing people in my life.

An Emotional Week....in a good way

Throughout my treatment, one of my persistent themes seemed to be that I felt stagnant, that life was passing me by, that everyone and everything else was moving forward and I was stuck in cancer treatment limbo.

Well, that phase is most definitely over.

Now, I'm holding on tight as life is speeding along at an incredible rate. The blessings, the gifts, the amazing people that I am meeting, the joy that I am feeling is slightly overwhelming. All in a good way but, wow!

I am really excited about the new job at MiraCosta College starting next month. My hefty HR packet arrived, which makes it all seem very official. I'll be working with an awesome group of people, getting paid to do what I love. I've missed being an active part of a yoga teacher training program and am really looking forward to it. Time to dive deep!

And, I've been blogging less because I've been focused on crafting a query letter to find a literary agent. I'm adapting the blog into a book. Based on all of the feedback that I have received, I believe that I can really help others with my story. So, I've been researching agents and starting the process of getting published. Fingers crossed!

This week has been very emotional. World AIDS Day struck me quite hard as I paused to remember my brother Paul, who died at age 27 and my brother Andre who died at age 34 from this disease. It has been 20-plus years now and still feels like yesterday. I guess you never really get over that type of loss, do you? Tragic. Everything seems to be striking me strongly and that is okay. I've cried more in the last few weeks then I have in the last six months. I guess it is time to release.

On that note, my friend Tracy took me to the most magical, fabulous yoga class ever. We went to the Yinki class at Soul of Yoga on Thursday night. We were in Pigeon for six minutes on each side and the teacher was also performing Reiki healing. I've been battling a hip-flexor issue in my right hip forever. And, after that class, I feel like I've been healed. It is nothing short of miraculous. I'm so excited at this discovery!!

My body finally is starting to feel like MY body again. I took some great classes this week and some shifts are occurring. Finally. Patience is not my greatest virtue (ahem) and it has been a challenge this year to contend with all the delays in returning to a regular yoga and Pilates practice. I feel that I've crossed the line into truly feeling at home in my body again. Unifying the physical with the emotional and mental. At last.

On a comical note, I learned that my body is on the www.lululemon.com website! They used some of my ambassador photos. If you go to the site, there I am under Jackets and Pants. What is the funny part? My head is cut off. I don't know whether I should feel offended or flattered? I think I'll just stick with amused.

Gratitude

My oh my, the blog entries have been few and far between this month! I guess now that I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off, I've not been as diligent in committing words to paper. I'm not even sure where to begin.

Thanksgiving in Virginia was lovely. Before flying home, I was apprehensive about the trip. I hadn't seen any family and friends since going through treatment and part of me didn't feel up to talking about treatment, didn't feel like explaining my punk rock hairdo. Of course, being with my family felt very positive and I was happy to see everyone's relief at me looking healthy. After a few glasses of wine, everyone was telling me that I should keep my hair short because I looked like a model. Keep on drinking people! It isn't terrible but, it just doesn't feel like me. Let's just say I am continuing to grow it as fast as I can!

The most exciting news is that I received confirmation that my new part-time professional endeavor will start in January. I've been hired as an assistant professor at MiraCosta College in Cardiff. What will I be teaching you ask? I'll be teaching in the Kinesiology/Health Department for the Yoga Certification program. I've always enjoyed teacher training and this will be an awesome venue. I cannot wait! This will round out my schedule very nicely.

My strength and flexibility continues to grow each day. I'm consistently practicing yoga and with each class I am able to do more and more of the vinyasa flow that I love. One of these days I anticipate feeling completely at home in my body again. I'm definitely receiving daily lessons in patience, acceptance and humility.

Life is good.

Yoga to the rescue!

Today, I was reminded once again of the power of practice. I attended a lovely vinyasa class and felt so calm and peaceful afterwards. It just feels so darned good to be able to practice the style of yoga that I love again. What a gift. Stepping onto the mat feeling off and exiting it feeling on. I swear it feels like a recalibration from the inside out. Wake up, yoga, rest, repeat.

I also saw Lois, my fabulous acupuncturist, to discuss using acupuncture and TCM, traditional chinese medicine, to deal with the hot flashes and the head. I feel very confident in her skills and the strength of natural remedies. Check out her blog: www.acupunctureactually.wordpress.com

The alternative isn't viable. Trust me.

There is an excellent reason that I didn't blog yesterday. My pupils were enormous, chills traveled up and down my spine and arms, my reaction time was a half-beat behind everyone elses and I just felt weird. Driving felt like I was a player in a video game. Why? I succumbed in a moment of desperation to effexor on Tuesday and Wednesday. Let's just say that it didn't sit well with my system. Medicine affects me strongly and although this was a very low dose, it made me totally crazy. I'd rather break into spontaneous sweat-fests several times a day then feel that way for an hour. And deal with waking up feeling melancholy.

I'll just remind myself that as soon as I wake up and start my day that I will feel just fine. Life is beautiful and precious and every single minute counts. Nobody knows how long we've got on this earth and I'm going to enjoy my time, sweaty or not.

Decisions, decisions....

San Francisco was lovely. Spending quality time with Megan and her mom, Judy felt like visiting home. I believe that members of your true family are not always related through blood and we are indeed family.

Despite enjoying myself, a few nagging side-effects marred my time in San Francisco and have been weighing on me in recent weeks. This Tamoxifen. I'm into my fourth month on the drug that I believed wasn't affecting me too badly, except for the hot flashes. I thought they were dissipating but, actually, they are not. One second I'm comfortable, the next I am sweating like a hooker in church. How bad is that cliche? Hee hee.

In addition to the pesky twenty degree internal thermometer swings, I've continued to feel heavy, almost leaden when I wake up in the morning. Instead of springing out of bed ready to embrace the day, I have to very consciously psyche myself up. Once the day is in full-swing, however, I feel engaged in whatever I am doing.

From what I understand, this is a chemical reaction from the tamoxifen and perhaps some leftover effects from chemo and radiation. I don't like it. I don't like it one bit. I'm happy. Darn it. Seriously, everything is going very well for me. I've gone on several great trips, I am living and loving the present, my days are filled with loving caring people, I've got exciting plans for the immediate future in both the work and play arenas. In other words, there is no reason for me to feel depressed.

I consulted with the YSC group to see if others have felt this way. Oh yes. I have not lost that last marble! Reports of hot flashes, mood swings, depression, anger, weight gain, insomnia across the board. It is comforting to know I am not alone!

So, again we come to the debate of quality of life vs. staying on the medication. Kind of where I was when I wanted to stop after four rounds of chemotherapy. Well, one woman's story has convinced me to stay on the tamoxifen. She chose to stop it and four years later, the cancer returned, metastasizing in her bones and liver. They are actually now treating her, ironically, with the tamoxifen and it is working.

So, I guess I'll continue to be a sweaty dark beast for the next four years, eight months.

When I consulted my doctor, she prescribed Effexor because she says it will help with the hot flashes and the heavy head. More pills. I'm leery of introducing another drug into my system. I really don't want to take anything. But, I am tempted to try it for a few weeks and see if it helps. I'm also exploring the herb/acupuncture route. I'm increasing my yoga and exercise each day. It all has to help, right?

Just the other day, we were laughing at some of the pharmaceutical commercials on television. Idyllic scenes, depicting couples and puppies frolicking in fields filled with butterflies lounging on plump flowers with a soothing voiceover reading side-effects like those listed below.

The Effexor side effects:

THE GOOD: Headache, drowsiness, dizziness, nausea, weakness, dry mouth, constipation, loss of appetite, weight loss (the only two positives in the lot), blurred vision, tiredness, nervousness, trouble sleeping, sweating, yawning. May increase blood pressure.....

THE BAD: Call your doctor if:
severe pounding headache, unusual or severe mental/mood changes, shakiness, decreased interest in sex, changes in sexual ability, difficulty urinating....stomach/abdominal pain, chest pain, persistent cough, shortness of breath, bloody/black/tarry stools, vomit that looks like coffee grounds, easy bruising/bleeding, fast/irregular pounding heartbeat, muscle weakness/cramps, yellowing eyes/skin, dark urine, seizures, unusual tiredness....

THE UGLY: If that isn't enough for you, you may get "Serotonin Syndrome": hallucinations, fainting, restlessness, loss of coordination, severe dizziness, unexplained fever, nausea/vomiting/diarrhea, twitchy muscles. Men may get a 4 hour erection. Really.

Decisions, decisions.

Patchwork Petretti

What a week! I'm winding down from running all over town for meetings, talks, walks and teaching gigs. Time to breathe and allow my nervous system to settle down. I'm heading up to San Francisco tomorrow to spend time with my BFF Megan and her amazing, wonderful mom Judy. I'm so excited.

The Complementary Care for Cancer event put on by the YSC went well. I was a little nervous but, it turned out fine. Speaking about yoga during cancer treatment and recovery should be a no-brainer but, I still cannot say, "I was diagnosed January 12th 2010" without my voice breaking. Practice, right? Hopefully by the time that I speak in front of the 500-1000 people at Yoga for Hope on March 5th, I will be able to do so without blubbering.

The Yoga for Hope webpage is up and ready for people to register and donate. I've got a team: Ocean Soul Yoga and would love for you to join me. www.yogaforhope.org/sd. Please check it out!

So, my gimpiness is slowly healing. My right hip flexor and hip were so out of joint that my right leg actually measured 3/4 inch shorter than the left! Can you say gimpy? Thanks to the brilliant Dan Selstead and ART therapy, I'm on the mend. I'm thrilled that I could practice yoga yesterday with few modifications. Seriously, all I want to do is walk several days a week, practice yoga 4 times a week and do pilates or Pure Barre 2-3 times. Nothing crazy.

Actually, it was quite amusing: a new pilates client of mine and I were discussing injuries and I was commiserating. Knee: yes, I had knee surgery back in June 2007. Back issues: yes, I've got herniations and bone spurs and arthritis at L4-L5. Neck issues: Oh yes, I was in a car accident and had neck surgery and now have an artificial disc at C5-6. All of these issues of course in addition to the cancer and the lymphedema sleeve. She looked at me and said, "You are a mess!" I guess that is one way to look at it.

Sometimes I feel like I'm a little boat. I patch up one leak and then another one sprouts open. Is this what getting older feels like? I feel like I'm hobbling around with the sore hip flexor, the lymphedema sleeve, the crazy hair, the inability to go into the heated room because of radiation side-effects. High-maintenance much?

Despite all my physical issues, I am plugging along. Nobody will stop Patchwork Petretti. My brain and my spirit want to go, go, go and this darned body is coming along, whatever it takes!

Tomorrow: yoga in the morning and then off to San Fran to spend time with two of my favorite people in the world. Life is good.

"C" is for....

Clear!

Today I went in for my first mammogram post-cancer treatment. The radiologist said that everything looked good. I have an MRI next month, which generally shows more.

Oops, and I just realized that I still had a sticker on my boob, where they mark the incision. Just peeled off a pink sticker with a strawberry pattern on it. Interesting.

So, the head of radiology, who is actually the woman who gave me two of the most painful experiences: biopsy and shooting in a radioactive isotope pre-surgery, came in to say hello. Her first comment was, "didn't you have much longer hair before?"

Um, yes.

I don't think I need to elaborate any more on that.

I was discussing with someone today whether I was considered "cancer-free" and my answer was "I guess so." Basically, the oncologists just say that they assume the chemotherapy and radiation worked based upon the statistics. You know what they say about assumptions, right? But, I guess I will just begin answering with an emphatic YES that I am cancer-free until someone tells me otherwise. Think positive right?

Oreo, my cat who was diagnosed with cancer in April, just climbed on my lap. He was given just months to live and he is still doing pretty well. He had to get a steroid injection on Monday and wasn't too pleased about it. But, they seem to prevent him from throwing up his dinner, which is a good thing. I'm glad that he is hanging on!

Tonight I am talking on the role that yoga plays in complementary care for cancer. The Young Survival Coalition is putting on the event that also features Christa Orecchio on nutrition and Mark Skalr on acupuncture. I'm convinced that the combination of these three protocols played a huge role in me maintaining the amount of strength and oomph that I did. Is oomph a word?

So, perhaps I should review my notes for the talk one more time....

Fall back and walking the Race for the Cure

Fall back: it is a bit disconcerting that this weekend symbolizes the beginning of Fall, after our sun-drenched, 90 degree week. Summer in November! I love this time of year. Autumn symbolizes a time of renewal and rebirth, a time to shed the old and make room for the fresh and new. Participating in the Race for the Cure this morning seemed timely.

After sharing an excellent dinner with April and Matthew at Market last night, we made sure to turn the clocks back an hour. This was vital because we had to leave the house by 6am to meet up with the Young Survival Coalition group.

It didn't really matter because I was rudely awakened at 3am by a dream that I was being roasted on a spit over an open campfire. Like a marshmallow. Or a weenie. Not exactly, instead, when I awoke, I was drenched in sweat from these da**ed night sweat/hot flashes. Seriously, I am really over this. When will they cease? It is the most bizarre feeling because all of a sudden the back of your neck sizzles and poof, you are cooking from the inside out. Talk about generating tapas.

Anyway, Todd and I joined up with the YSC and close to 20,000 people who walked or ran in the Race for the Cure 5k. This is the first time I've ever received a medal for a race! Who cares if it was at a leisurely stroll, surrounded by groups of walkers with names like "Tits and Giggles", "Save Second Base", and the "Boobie Brigade?" I sported a YSC banner that proclaimed me a Young Survivor, with my diagnosis date and age on the back. Todd wore a bib that stated he was celebrating me and my sister Yael.

Prior to participating in the race today, I was feeling rather apprehensive. Would this be uplifting? would it be upsetting? would I cry? or would I just be slightly hungover from one too many glasses of wine at dinner and four hours of sleep?

I'd say that this event proved to be amazing and overwhelming all at once. What seemed the most poignant to me were the countless groups walking in memory of a loved one. T-shirts with pictures of moms, sisters, grandmothers, friends abounded. And, made me realize yet again that I am one of the lucky ones who officially beat cancer. With all of this positive energy, how can a cure not be imminent?

Next up this week? An interview with City of Hope tomorrow, a talk at a YSC event, Complementary Care for Cancer regarding yoga's role in recovery and then off to San Francisco to visit my BFF Megan and the world's greatest mom, Judy!

Not bad for the beginning of Fall.

Yoga for Cancer Recovery: new day and new location!

This class is open to anyone who is currently going through cancer treatment, who has completed treatment or is a co-survivor or caretaker of someone living with cancer. My intent is to create a safe community where we can come together with our shared bond and just feel better. As a breast cancer survivor, I can attest to how much yoga helped me.

Classes will now be held a beautiful, peaceful studio in Carlsbad/La Costa.

Location: PureBarre La Costa, 7720 El Camino Real, Suite E, Carlsbad, CA 92009

Day/Time: 10:30am on Thursdays starting in December.

Benefits of Yoga:

•Learn to handle the effects of surgery, chemotherapy and radiation

•Experience healing techniques for the mind, body and spirit

•Boost energy, improve mood, learn relaxation and breath techniques to combat fatigue, stress, and pain

•Restore flexibility, strength, range of motion, enhance lymphatic flow, digestion and circulation

Classes are donation-based. What does this mean exactly? It means that each week, you pay what you can. The suggested donation is $5-15. But, if you can't make a donation, that is fine. I understand the financial difficulties associated with this journey.

If you have any questions at all, please feel free to call me or email me at claire@oceansoulyoga.com.

Please bring your own yoga mat.

Makers Mark and Money

So, I've not been too regular on the blog since my return from Australia. I'd wrestled with stopping it once I set foot on the plane but, several people told me that they'd like to continue hearing my escapades as I re-enter "normal" life. Or, should I say the "new normal?" Resuming regular life is part of this journey.

To be honest, I've been struggling a bit this week. Despite being blessed with some really awesome new opportunities, despite being done with treatment, despite the love and friendship, even despite the fast pace of my hair growth, each morning when I've woken up, I've felt rough. Part of the problem is that the hot flashes have been coming hotter and flashier. We are having summer in San Diego, 90 degrees today!, and my inner thermostat has officially gone haywire. I think I'm not recovered from radiation yet and my body just needs more time before I can get hot like I did Friday night. The flashes are constantly waking me up and I am exhausted.

I did, however, obviously get some sleep last night because I had a bizarre, colorful dream. In my dream, I went to the CVS to pick up my refill of Tamoxifin, the drug that gives hot flashes, and the pharmacist told me that they had a substitute for the Tamoxifin. Mind you, this is the same pharmacist I've seen way too much at Solana Beach CVS this year. I say, "Sure" because I just don't care. I've wrestled with the Tamoxifin-5-year-sentence, even skipping it for a few days here and there. What a rebel: ha!

This is where it gets funny. She then informs me that the replacement for Tamoxifin is 50 cases of Makers Mark. For those of you, like me, who don't know what Makers Mark is: it is "Straight Kentucky Bourbon." I had to google it. I am not a bourbon drinker. I'm not a liquor drinker for that matter.

Nonetheless, I acquiesce and she calls one of the assistants to help her. The next thing I know, they are stuffing bottles of Makers Mark and stacks of $100 and $50 bills into big black duffel bags and dumping them into my shopping cart. The pharmacist has to send the assistant to get another cart because 50 cases is a lot of liquor! I'm curious to know what this all means? Perhaps they want me to just get drunk and go shopping so I won't worry about a cancer recurrence?

I am fighting to feel good day by day. Teaching, walking, spending time with friends, focusing on all the gifts that I have in my life. Sometimes I just wonder why you don't just wake up feeling great every day. I wonder if it is always a process, a shift to focus on the positive, a choice of how you are going to spend your day and your life. Living in the present isn't always easy but, it is the only way for me to stay sane.

Maybe if I hadn't had all that Makers Mark last night, I would have sprung out of bed feeling like a million bucks!

Festivities, Hot Flashes and surprises

I'm feeling filled with gratitude this weekend. Friends, fun and festivities.

Friday night I led a yoga class at Sculpt Fusion Yoga for Breast Cancer Awareness month. Donations went to the Young Survival Coalition, a group where I've found a great deal of support with other young women hit by cancer.

All week, I alternated between feeling excited to teach and nostalgic for the days when I could teach there without a concern. I hadn't been to SFY in months. I used to teach classes at SFY five times a week but, due to the chemo/radiation/lymphedema, my body betrayed me each time I stepped into the heated room. Either I'd feel dizzy and nauseous or the lymphedema flared up and my hand and arm would start swelling up again.

It was a great night and wonderful to see old faces. I really miss the community. I did have a big of a heat hangover afterwards. The class was supposed to be non-heated, however, an earlier class ended only fifteen minutes prior and the heat just didn't dissipate. So, everyone got a lot sweatier than anticipated and I ended up having a Hot-Flash kinda-night.

Apparently, it takes about three months for your body to get rid of the effects of the radiation. It makes sense I guess: 36 rounds of daily radiation is bound to leave some after-effects. So, part of the radiation legacy is that your internal body temperature clock doesn't work. No sleep for me. I was burning up and sweating and tossing and turning all night long. Clothes, lymphedema sleeve and even a cat or two went flying in the dark.

So, that cleared up any ambiguity regarding whether I was ready to practice or teach in the heat, even moderate. No need to hurry it. I'll try again. December 15th is the three month mark. Not unexpected but, nonetheless disappointing.

Two parties on Saturday! First stop was Lori's baby shower. She is going to be the best baby mama to little Natalie. And, Natalie is going to be a very well-dressed little girl! It was really nice to share in the celebration of new life with a lovely group of women.

Next, the fun began at 5pm at Party City where Todd and I and every other Halloween procrastinator battled over masks and costumes. We emerged unscathed with a couple of ornate masks, ready for a glass of wine and a surprise birthday party for Dino. At Blanca, everyone donned masks and let's just say that the birthday boy was suprised! Friends and family traveled from as far as Canada to share in the celebration.

A great reminder that you just never know what surprises are around the corner, right?

Whirlwind Week!

Wow, what a whirlwind since I last wrote. An amazing career opportunity dropped into my lap and I've been running around like a chicken with my head cut off to prepare all the submission requirements. It is a part-time gig and would fit in perfectly with everything else in my life. Fingers crossed!

Here's a hint: I had to order transcripts. Yes, college and law school transcripts. Really. And, of course, law schools being what they are, they won't allow you to order your transcript online. So, I had to drive up to USD Law School and walk in to the Registrar's office. Can I tell you what an out-of-body experience it was to step into Warren Hall? Flashbacks flowed fast and hard. I didn't run out of there but, I'd say it was a fast trot back to my car and off of that campus.

USD's campus is beautiful. I'm glad to see that my still-unpaid law school loans are keeping the gardeners in business. And, I'm sure that I saw a new wing to one of the buildings that was personally funded by my six-figure contribution.

I've frequently discussed that I have taken a lot of risks in my short little life and really don't have any regrets. Except, I do think if I had the chance for a redo, I would skip law school. Yes, skip it I would.

I'm finally back home for a little while. It seems like we'd just gotten accustomed to being back after Australia and then we flew to Savannah on Friday for my dear friend Angie's wedding. The wedding was fantastic, Angie was a beautiful bride and Darin a proud and emotional groom. I'd say the whole experience rated as one of the most perfect weddings ever!

I'm grateful that we were able to go. Life is short, friends are dear and experiences are what matter most. And, Savannah has to be one of the most unique and beautiful cities I've ever seen. I tried two new foods: fried green tomatoes, which were yummy and boiled peanuts, which were decidedly not. Gross.

Tuesday night I attended the YSC Spa Night at SK Sanctuary in La Jolla. The evening is put on by YSC and included free massages and facials, h'ors d'oevres, fabulous goodie bags and an inspiring speaker: Stefanie LaRue. Stefanie was diagnosed with Stage IV breast cancer at age 30 and told that she had 9 months to live. That was 5 years ago. She personifies hope. I know that I felt uplifted and happy after the evening.

Now I've got to go prepare for a yoga class that I am teaching tomorrow night for Breast Cancer Awareness Month. The class will be held at Sculpt Fusion Yoga at 5:30pm, with all donations to benefit YSC. I'm looking forward to it!

Saved by a fork....life is back to normal!

Life is returning to status quo. How do I know it?

What happened this afternoon wouldn't have happened while I was going through diagnosis and treatment. The Universe or God or whatever you choose to call the powers-that-be know that this escapade would have broken me just a few short months ago. Today, I wish I had it on film because it must've looked hysterical.

At approximately 11:50am, I exited the house to go teach my 12:15 yoga class at Frogs. I had everything I needed: new yoga mix loaded ipod, umbrella, and lunch in the form of quinoa salad from Seaside Market. I'd even brought a fork with me to eat said salad. I never bring silverware with me.

What was missing? Well, as the door clicked shut behind me, it struck me. I didn't have my keys. No car key. No house key. Oops. No spare key stored anywhere. Todd out of town until tomorrow night.

I was locked outside, in the rain mind you, with no way to get to class or to get back inside. Luckily, I did have my cell phone. "I'll just call the pet sitter," I thought. Well, Sally's phone just rang and rang, with no voicemail or answering machine picking up. Great.

The clock was ticking.

Next, I called Frogs and explained my embarrassing predicament to the resourceful Lori. Luckily, Franco, a yoga teacher was in the club and could step in for me at the last minute. I was free to focus on getting in.

Determined, I climbed up onto our balcony on the off chance that the sliding glass door might be unlocked. It wasn't. The cats stared at me from inside, completely baffled. I exited the slippery balcony as gracefully, ahem, as I had entered it. Next, I called Todd and he suggested I break into the dining room window, which is about 4-5 feet up from ground level. Wet, muddy, leaf-covered ground level.

In vain, I struggled with the wet, cob-web covered screen. No dice.

Returning to the front of the house, I contemplated the front door. Just me, the rain and the locked door. Wait! The fork rested on top of my pile of things on the front mat.

Then, my aha moment occurred. The fork! Prongs! The intractable screen!

I scurried back to the rear of the house. With a few sharp stabs, I'd ripped the screen apart. Next challenge: pop the stick we had in the window out so I could open it wide enough to climb inside. Completed on the third attempt.

Now that I had an opening, my next dilemma was how to get in? The window is too high for me to pull myself up. The table on the balcony called to me and so, I hoisted myself up again and picked up the table and dropped it over to the wet ground. With the added height from the table, I was able to drag myself through the window. I belly-flopped onto the floor. Success!

Just as I landed, Sally called, offering to come over with my key and let me in.

Imagine that.

Hair and Yoga

Rainy weekend. What is up with this weather in San Diego? It isn't supposed to rain in October. Ever! At least I don't have to worry about what will happen to my wig anymore! I am officially wearing my own hair: Version 2.0.

I've gotten comments from "it isn't too terrible, you can always get extensions, right?" to my personal favorite: "rocking a blonde Halle Barry." The truth, as usual, lies somewhere between these two extremes. It is just so freeing to not have to worry about what hat or hair I will don prior to leaving the house.

And, more importantly, the fact that my hair is now growing fast means that I am returning to health. As it was a symbol of my sickness when I was bald, it now is a clear indicator that I am on the road to recovery. Because I feel stronger each day, I have worked out for the last seven days in a row. The only reminder is the ever-present lymphedema sleeve. My goal is to build up the activity and hold steady, then start weaning off of wearing the sleeves 24/7. I can't wait.

Yesterday, I had a breakthrough at the wonderful Katie Brauer's yoga class. For the first time in several months, I was able to practice a full vinyasa flow class without modifications. A few walls were dropped and the tears flowed. I have been craving this type of movement to release the pent-up emotions stuck in my body. Finally! I cannot describe how it feels to start feeling connected in my mind, body and heart once again.

Grateful.
Ecstatic.
Sad.

Emotionally, I'm all over the place. What a shocker! It just feels strange to be returning to only some of my prior teaching. Much has shifted. I know that new doorways are opening but, perhaps this gloomy weather has instilled some melancholy in my soul. I guess that is to be expected. I need to keep reminding myself not to project too far into the future.

Day by beautiful day.

Movin, movin, movin....

Friday afternoon. Just returned from a great pilates session. My plan had been to make it to Pure Barre this morning but, I didn't get any sleep last night. I thought that the hot flashes were over but, last night I alternated being drenched in sweat and shivering from the chills. Tamoxifin side-effects. Please tell me that I will not be experiencing this for the next five years.

This week has been really busy and fulfilling. My goal was to exercise every day. A friend said that I must be really self-disciplined. Maybe. The reality is that I am so excited to feel healthy enough to work out, that I am eager to move daily. Now that I can go, I am thrilled to do so! Pure Barre, Pilates, two yoga sessions, and my first Zumba experience.

Ahhh, Zumba with the lovely April Buck leading a full class of enthusiastic Zumba-ers. Or, is it Zumba-ettes? I am happy to report that I didn't injure myself or anyone else in the class. It was so much fun! I realized a few important truths about myself:

1. I can still grapevine with the best of them,
2. I can also still step-ball-change,
3. I have absolutely no hip action! Everyone else was rocking and rolling their hips and there I was. The hip swivels need some work! I've got no game.

What stood out the most was how everyone was laughing and smiling as we danced all over the room. Again, I feel so grateful that I am done with treatment and could fully participate. For months I've been restricted in a million different ways. Not to preach but, if you are wavering on going to exercise, just do it. Because you can!